The Emotional Rollercoaster

[LolaL]

Thanks {{Jeff}}. I was beginning to feel a little lost...thanks for responding.

We have no children together. Mine are 23, 21 and 12, only one left at home. We have been married for 2 years (yes, I know, not long. I get that alot and no I don't want to give up). We have both been married twice before. He doesn't have any children of his own.

My oldest daughter had long since moved out of the house, gotten married and started a family of her own. My middle daughter, 18 when we got married, did not take the marriage well. It was fine before we were married, they got along great. After we got married, she became withdrawn, distant, cold, and manipulative. I tried everything I could think of to talk to her, make time to spend with her, but it seemed the harder I tried, the worse she treated him. She eventually moved out, but that was where the damage began. I tried to get in the middle and play peacemaker, and both my husband and daughter ended up feeling completely neglected. In the meantime, I was pulling my hair out trying to find out what I was doing wrong.

Things were really good between us up until the last two months we were together. I thought he just needed space, but it turned out he had struck up a conversation with another woman at work. Seemed she was also going through rough times in her marriage. Although it never amounted to anything, and he has since cut ties and found another job, it was devastating to know he had an emotional relationship with this woman. He swears it has nothing to do with our separation. I think it has everything to do with it.

At any rate, the separation came when my middle daughter basically ran away, got married, and is now due to give birth to a baby girl. I so wanted her to finish college, and we tried to give her every opportunity. Yes, I know, she is grown and can make her own decisions, but I so wanted things to be different. He took it very hard when she told me she was pregnant because I took it hard, and said he just couldn't handle it anymore.

By the way, as we speak, she is going through the beginning stages of labor. I am now excited at the prospect of a little baby granddaughter...

That was seven months ago. Like I said before...I have gone through a whole range of emotions that I cannot even begin to imagine. I have realized that I cannot make everyone happy...or save everyone. Its just not my job. I have said the serenity prayer over in my mind until I finally figured out the only person I can change is me.

In the meantime, I know that I am always supposed to be upbeat on the phone, but I Have to be honest, sometimes I just don't feel like it. I want him to know I am hurt, and that I love him, and that I miss him. Is that wrong?

And, as shown by this posting, my mind goes in a million different directions at once. Sometimes its difficult just to get one thought straight. If I wasn't on AD, I truly think I would have had a breakdown.

So any advice or comments would be most welcome, but if you are going to tell me I haven't been married long enough to worry about it, then forget it. I have heard that one. I am committed.

Lola