Another new topic! already? Here we go

[LoginName]

Aud,
Have you read any, many, of the books on recovering from infidelity? I've read parts of at least 3, and I've received some emailed newsletters. Some say share everything, be totally honest and transparent. Others seem to say that might not be important.

I know for me, I prefer to trust and not delve into a daily watch of my W. I found a phone # I didn't recognize on my W's phone, with an area code from where the OM lives. So far, I've decided not to ask about it. I don't think it would help. If I ask, she could be defensive. It could be nothing. If it is him, it could be any number of things. Maybe she made a last goodbye. Whatever. Obviously, I think about it, but I don't think I believe 100% honesty, knowing everything she is doing, is good.

Also, the books seem to be split on how much you need to know about the A. I think it depends on the person, and the time. I'm willing to listen if my W wants to tell me, but I don't ask. Maybe I will someday.

Trust isn't as hard for me as forgiveness. I can make a blind leap of faith and trust my W, because what does it matter. She either is or isn't in an A. I can't control it. She can always fool me - it's not hard.

I too have checked my W's classmates page. That's where he found her. She has changed her password. But I haven't asked her about it. Obviously,I think about this sometimes too.

But, now I sound paranoid or cockholded. I don't think I'm either. I'm making choices for me. I may not know everything, but my eyes are open, I know what I'm getting into and I'm making choices.

I keep thinking of going back to our MC, as an IC. I think I will before too long.

doing a 180 is a great idea! I think I was getting stuck in a rut (cheeseless tunnel). Maybe I lack the imagination to think of a 180, but I'll try. Also,I'm not really sure what I was doing in the first place. Was I speaking my mind and showing my feelings and needs too much, or not enough? The way it felt to me might be totally different than what my wife preceived it as. Great stuff to think about. Sometimes I think my W gives me clues too. And boy, am I straining my listening muscles trying to pick up on everything, trying not to miss the communications that I think I missed in the past.

is this still sounding similar to your sitch? What are you trying? Are you doing any 180s?

Thanks for writing and sharing.