Karen - I downloaded my motivated mom's calendar today, gotta go home and clip my D's fingernails! We'll see how that goes. Thanks for the link.
H showed up this morning on his way to work to bring a coffee for me and a doughnut for D. Just brought it in and then was on his way. He called later from work frustrated becuase he couldn't find the files on his disk for his golf league and he is going to have to do up the handicaps from the manual records. I offered to do up the schedule for him, and worked on it quickly then sent it up. He is not that great on computers.
I have a question for everyone. When H moved out he said it would be for a "week or two" to clear his head. That first week I tried to "make him miss me" I was brief on the phone, I only answered important texts and I made myself and D very busy when he tried to set up things to do with us. It was the first week granted but things were very tense between us and it did not seem that he missed us at all, more that he was put off by my "treatment" of him.
Since then I have been more welcoming, I still am not calling or texting first but I do respond, flirt in response ect. He has been around a lot more and we have been getting along very well.
So my question is, is it good that things are going well and we are getting along because this is a way to "shine a light back to my marriage" and I should continue in this path or should I be more distant to make him want to come home because right now he has the best of both worlds?
Keep in mind I have been trying to GAL, I have gone out a few times with friends(to H's dismay) and I am starting my baseball league tomorrow night.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
Keep in mind, I'm not always in the majority opinion around here.
That being said, I think "things going well" and "flirting in response to him" are good things ONLY if he's no longer in contact with the OW. If he's still in contact with her, your making those supplicating moves back towards him are only going to enable him to cake-eat, in my opinion.
Who says HE gets to have all the time he wants to "decide" if he wants you?? Go semi-dark on him, and stop being so nice. Let him miss you. DETACH!!!!
Keep in mind, I'm not always in the majority opinion around here.
That being said, I think "things going well" and "flirting in response to him" are good things ONLY if he's no longer in contact with the OW. If he's still in contact with her, your making those supplicating moves back towards him are only going to enable him to cake-eat, in my opinion.
Who says HE gets to have all the time he wants to "decide" if he wants you?? Go semi-dark on him, and stop being so nice. Let him miss you. DETACH!!!!
Puppy
Actually Puppy I've come to appreciate & agree with most of your advice you know!!! I actually have ?s for you about this (if you don't mind answering). Since I was depressed you know last year, I kind of think I am practicing a 180 though by acting happy and a little bit friendly for brief periods when I see H. But I basically work on avoiding him whenever possible, when he is at home I am either gone or I'll go upstairs when he's downstairs or go to bed or whatever.
I also have been better about just emailing him re: kids and things I have to (like I broke down & emailed H today his friend the contractor hasn't shown up to finish the tub yet and it's been almost a week since he's been here!). Am I doing this the right way or do you have any suggestions? The last week or 2 he started calling & emailing me more, but he was on a trip the last few days & I've had no emails or calls. (He said it was for work but the fact that I've had no contact from him makes me think OW was prob. on the trip with him). Karen
Karen - I downloaded my motivated mom's calendar today, gotta go home and clip my D's fingernails! We'll see how that goes. Thanks for the link.
I'm so happy you're trying it out! It's really helped me out a lot esp. when I was starting out, although I've also been doing additional purging & organizing lately trying to get rid of anything I don't really love or need. Post & let me know what you think after you've been doing a bit; I'm curious if others will like it or not! Karen
Keep in mind, I'm not always in the majority opinion around here.
That being said, I think "things going well" and "flirting in response to him" are good things ONLY if he's no longer in contact with the OW. If he's still in contact with her, your making those supplicating moves back towards him are only going to enable him to cake-eat, in my opinion.
Who says HE gets to have all the time he wants to "decide" if he wants you?? Go semi-dark on him, and stop being so nice. Let him miss you. DETACH!!!!
Puppy
Actually Puppy I've come to appreciate & agree with most of your advice you know!!! I actually have ?s for you about this (if you don't mind answering). Since I was depressed you know last year, I kind of think I am practicing a 180 though by acting happy and a little bit friendly for brief periods when I see H. But I basically work on avoiding him whenever possible, when he is at home I am either gone or I'll go upstairs when he's downstairs or go to bed or whatever.
I also have been better about just emailing him re: kids and things I have to (like I broke down & emailed H today his friend the contractor hasn't shown up to finish the tub yet and it's been almost a week since he's been here!). Am I doing this the right way or do you have any suggestions? The last week or 2 he started calling & emailing me more, but he was on a trip the last few days & I've had no emails or calls. (He said it was for work but the fact that I've had no contact from him makes me think OW was prob. on the trip with him). Karen
Karen,
Re-post that over on your thread, and I'll try to respond tonite. I don't want to hijack Snow White's, and I gotta scoot for my son's baseball game. I'm the COACH, ya know!!! LOL
He did, but we lost, 5-4 in EIGHT innings! (our games at this age only go six innings, max). I doubt the boys will be getting up for school tomorrow morning, but we sure gave the fans a great show!!
I know it bothered my H whenever I went out while we were S'ed. It upset him to think and/or know that I was possibly with someone else. He was jealous. Oh well, that was HIS problem, not mine.
But it also appeared to him that I didn't care as much about the tidiness of the house or always making sure that things got done. It seemed to him that my going out or whatever was more important to me than anything else. He thought I didn't care about what mattered to him. If I could make time to do other things, I certainly should be able to make the time to do the things that really ought to be done. Even if I didn't feel like it.
Are you the smartest or what? H walks in the door this morning and says, I think maybe instead of playing baseball tonight(my first game) you should cut the grass. He was in a good mood but the comment was still there.
This as last night at 11 I remember to go looking for the jam jar - that still ahd jam on the side of it and scrub it off.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
This as last night at 11 I remember to go looking for the jam jar - that still ahd jam on the side of it and scrub it off.
LOL!
Good work, SW.
Just my two cents, but I say go to the game and have FUN!
If you have time, take care of the lawn beforehand. If not, do it as soon as you possibly can. Try not to let it go for more than two days. If that happens, I'm almost 100% certain that you'll hear something about it, and it won't be very pleasant.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Just my two cents, but I say go to the game and have FUN!
If you have time, take care of the lawn beforehand. If not, do it as soon as you possibly can. Try not to let it go for more than two days. If that happens, I'm almost 100% certain that you'll hear something about it, and it won't be very pleasant.
I will be going to the game, hopefully don't make too big of a fool of myself. Can't remember the last time I actually ran - I mean not a little jog but a run. But that's hoping I actually make contact - haven't swung a bat in almost 13 years either. At least it is a practice game.
I will cut the lawn probably tomorrow after work since I am off at 3. And the start of a 3 day weekend
Last edited by Snow White; 05/15/0806:46 PM.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
I actually have ?s for you about this (if you don't mind answering). Since I was depressed you know last year, I kind of think I am practicing a 180 though by acting happy and a little bit friendly for brief periods when I see H. But I basically work on avoiding him whenever possible, when he is at home I am either gone or I'll go upstairs when he's downstairs or go to bed or whatever.
Karen
At least it is a practice game.