Hi Mary - sorry I didn't reply again yesterday. The phone thing is tough with the time difference! I'm usually at work during the times you're awake \:\) . I can post here on breaks/lunch etc. but I can't really take calls during the day. Had my bellydance class last night so it was really late for you, by the time I got home.

Yes... your sitch is (sadly) oh so typical. I swear there's a script for how the sequence of events leading up to the bomb, and the days/weeks following it. Sure there are variations but SO much of it's the same.

About the "db'ing" and "not db'ing" - I'm not really sure I understand what you're getting at with that. As I mentioned yesterday it's about doing what works, improving yourself, etc. Why would you choose not to do those things?

About your going dark question... maybe re-read the LRT section of the book (I haven't read it in awhile). See if anything clicks for you. I do recommend that yes, except for your daughter, go almost dark. Be polite, upbeat, and friendly when he's there. If YOU are OK with him hanging around for 1-2 hours that's probably fine - particularly if that time's focused on your daughter. I'd recommend being busy, polite, but relatively aloof while he's there. Don't initiate conversation or be "clingy" with him.

If it's messing with your head too much to have him there - that's OK too. You meet him at the door with your daughter when he comes to pick her up and when he drops her off. Say hi, welcome your daughter home, say bye... close the door.

Quote:
And what things can I do to look like the "better option" than ow?


I know I mentioned this yesterday and I think it's definitely the goal! But in terms of GETTING there, the very best thing you can do is NOT worry about this. Work on getting YOURSELF back - you said yourself you've lost a lot of "you" - so work on that. That's who he fell in love with right? Get back to being "that" person.

It may work and he may find you to be the more attractive option when the "high" from the A fades. It may not work... or you may not want HIM anymore at that time. But that's way down the road. Focus on you, for now.

For specifics.. go back and re-read the replies in a lot of your early threads. I know a lot of us gave you ideas.

Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7
Bomb 1 10/07/06
Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15
Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07
Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate
2/08 slowly improving
7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!)
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