For the guy with kids and WW II

[CBK]

H4H - (and Sandi) - this is so applicable to me as well. I don't get the same bedroom, but it does give us great direction.

I can't watch the game tonight because of D21 bday - but you know who I will be pulling for.

Take care and will be on later tonight.

CBK

[Puppy Dog Tails]

H4H,

I think you're playing it about right. Maybe cut back just a little bit more, but overall, MUCH better than before.

I also agree with WDID -- don't read too much into your wife's nice behavior.

Puppy

[hopeful4her]

Thank you, Sandi. Again, great words of wisdom. I keep everything upbeat as much as possible. I stopped the sad puppy face a couple months ago. I only let her see the aloof guy. And great dad.

My new word. Aloof. I like it. Like I said to CBK, Hakuna Matada for now.

wdid, definately keeping all the good things in my back pocket to enjoy for later. Not going to push. That has been my problem before. I see the good starting to come out and start to push the R and then do things like snoop and think too much and then talk too much. Back to square one.

Will stay away from that like the plague. No R talks. Even when she tries to bring it up.

CBK, you keep mentioning that you don't get the bedroom thing. What do you mean?

Gonna definately pull back a little, Puppy. She has to come to me. I take the evening for what it was. Just a good fun night together.

Ok.

"B" called me a third time while on my way home. I answered. Invited me to have dinner on Thursday for a mutual friend's(she went with us to the cowboy club)birthday. Altogether, it may just be the three of us. She talked a bit about what's going on in her life. I do like talking to her. I tell her that I'll try to make it, but we'll have to see. She told me to let her know.

I won't go. I'll just send the friend some flowers that day. It's for the best.

At work, the girl that was relaying the message from "B", asked my coyly, "Who's B?" I told her, someone that I need to stop talking to. She gave me the look.

I pick up kid who is living with us from work, and WW calls me to tell me she has left for the day and is going to stop at video store before going home. I tell her that I see about dinner when I get home.

She must have spent a lot of time at the video store, because she got home nearly an hour and half later. About 40 minutes of unaccounted time as far as I'm concerned. Dinner is ready. I tell WW that we were waiting on her to eat. She apologizes and says she looked and looked and couldn't find any good movies. She got two dumb looking movies. She said that she had to use the bathroom and pointed to her stomach. I said something like "Poor momma didn't even get to read a paper!" and the kids laughed.

Scarfed down dinner. I gave WW a choice of jobs. Dishes or puppies. She took the dishes. I cleaned up the puppy room(our bathroom). The horror. After, I go watch my Spurs in our bedroom. WW's mood changed after looking through all the unopened mail in her name. Bills. Definate mood change. Nothing said, but you know the looks. She is working on throwing out junk mail, sorting out her bills. She sees me in bedroom watching the game, putting some balls into a cup, and lifting some weights. She puts one of the stupid videos in the living room. I finish my VERY disappointing game and go and find WW asleep on sofa. Her cell phone wakes her up and its nephew letting her know he has a ride home. She goes out for a smoke, comes in to bedroom and says goodnight, going to bed. I take a shower and into bed myself.

I'm up early again and D6 comes out. Accident again. She has the confused look, "But I didn't even dring a lot of water!" She says it a couple of times. I put her in shower and wash bedding again. I put her in bed with WW, who then wakes up. She gets out of bed and I tell her to lay down for a little longer. Don't have to tell her twice.

Make lunches. Ask her. Thinks a bit. No, not today.

I found out last night that she is not off today like I thought. That was on my mind alot. I know today is OM's B-day. I am waiting for a call later, tellimg me she is going to have a drink with someone from work or something.

Trying to think about what I might say. Comments?

I am planning on sending an email to her later, concerning the car insurance. Letting her know that I have the new card printed. See if I get a response today.

[CBK]

H4H - sorry about your Spurs last night.

When I said "I don't get the bed" that meant that my WW sleeps in a different room, sorry for the confusion.

Sounds like you are going through a bit of a rough patch today. I think if she calls to say she is going out for a drink, you should say have a good time, see you when you get home... I know I could never do that, but that is what I have been told.

Sounds like you are still trying to detach like me, we aren't good at it. I wish I had some great words of wisdom here, but I too hit a rough patch this morning...

Make the best of the sitch buddy, not much more we can do but work on us and hopefully WW will come back and want to work on R.

CBK

[Puppy Dog Tails]

"Stopping at the video store" seems to be your wife's alibi for most likely making phone calls to OM from the video store parking lot.

During my wife's affair, she would often "forget" a couple of grocery items, or something from the drugstore, and offer to go back out after dinner to get them. She has ALWAYS, absolutely HATED to go back out, and in fact, never would (unless it was something like medicine for the kids or something urgent). She would then disappear for about 45 minutes, and come home with the item(s) that must have taken all of five minutes to purchase, and five minutes drive back to our house.

Well-handled, all the way around, btw. I do think you should specifically stop asking her if she wants a lunch, as that would be a real "180" for you. Otherwise, just keep it up.

Puppy

[hopeful4her]

Again guys, muchas gracias.


CBK, a couple of months ago, the big D fight, WW calls OM and tells him that she will no longer call him and for him not to call her. She tells him that she is doing this in front of me. I could hear him saying,"What? What did I do? Why do I deserve this?" She tells him, "I don't want to lose my kids." Jackass. She did this because that was when I finally told her that she would lose everything if she D's me, meaning the kids. That no contact lasted until the next evening. He must have called her 10 times the next day. "Please call me. I know you told me not to call. I can help you, somehow. You know your not gonna lose the kids. Please, at least let me have closure. Maybe we can still have lunches at least."

Anyway, that night she hit the sofa. For about a month. Somewhere in my posting, one night I asked her:

Me: Will you think about coming back to bed?
WW: Why?
Me: Just.
WW: I don't want to give you the wrong idea.
Me: You never do.
WW: (one minute pause) OK

Now that has been a little over a month now. I caught some hell here for asking her to come back to bed, but I'm glad I did it. Not a good detaching thing to do, though.

Puppy, the drive home for us is about 40 minutes by itself one way. Plenty of time to talk. The thing that goes through my mind is an actual meet. Video store is a normal thing for us. She likes to pick out the movies for us and the girls. We are movie freaks.

WW has called me today to refer a client. It feels ssooooo good to talk to her during the day. Hardly happens anymore. For anything.

Gonna send her a light, funny email thanking her and ask her how she wants the insurance card.

[CBK]

Wow, that was a gutsy move asking her back to bed. I would love to have W share my bed - but for us, right now, that would not be a good thing. Right now, she is sharing the bathroom with the two kids rather than coming into the master badroom to share ours. She did say that maybe when she is out for the summer, she would share our bathroom again. I have done so many backlsids that if I asked her, I think that would be the final ticket. She wants her space, need to give it to her. But man, do I miss her at night, just the touch of her hand sends shivers up my spine...

I don't think my W is having any meetings with OM, but EA probably still going on, not sure. She promised that she would not contact him, but as Puppy says, once a liar, always a liar until they recommit and have remorse.

We rarely email each other, it was always calls for us, I don't know the last time she actually called me on my cell... like you, I always hope she will, not horrible if she doesn't, but would love her just to call and say how is it going? But even that is too much to ask.

A 40 minute drive to you home from work, man, you guys are out in the boonies!

CBK

[hopeful4her]

Sent the email:


Hola.
Como esta?

Muchas gracias for the referral. Nice guy. Unfortunately, the biz account would need for him to have a social security number, so I couldn't open that. Send me any others that you care to. PLEASE.

Ok, I hope this morning has been better than the others. Your mornings seem to suck and then get better later. At least they get better.

I have an insurance verifification letter on the Isuzu for you. Do you want me to fax it to you, just hold it or what? I would email it but the lightning fax here is messed up.

Let me know.

She already replied:


Thanks, you can fax it to ***-****, He was a very nice man, he has a
studio that he said he would let the boys use to record their music.
Ok, got to take another member

Chat later



Not a bad email. Putting this stuff into my back pocket.

[CBK]

Good job, I may have left out the second paragraph starting with Ok, I hope this morning... Not even sure why, just doesn't sound like you are detaching (don't laugh at me). The others are great. If you notice in her reply, she didn't even mention that piece in her email. I have found that when I do send a text to WAW, if business, I get a response, if anything else, I get nothing else!

CBK

[hopeful4her]

I was going to put something funny about the roast beef(she didn't end up cooking)but decided against.