I am frustrated... But lashing out to hurt her? I don't see or feel that.
I see now that my hurt over the crisis our marriage was in, worsened the problem. Without a doubt, when I was feeling down, it would reverberate through her and she'd despair.
I wished that I could have been more stoic then. Not to be unfeeling, but to share less. It was too much for her to see.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
SPM, we all wish we would have done and seen things differently, ya know? I know I sure do. I can feel how frustrated and hurt you are. How are your children? I hope they are ok. there is nothing we could do about the past, except learn from it. I know you have done a lot of soul searching through all of this and you will come through it a different person then you were - hopefully a stronger one. Be kind to yourself, my friend.
This is how I saw Jack's words on the sword/shield thing:
Quote:
I see now that my hurt over the crisis our marriage was in, worsened the problem. Without a doubt, when I was feeling down, it would reverberate through her and she'd despair.
I don't think you (or any of us, for that matter) have lashed out in anger on purpose. However, I do think in retrospect, we did do damage by not being more stoic up front.
Also, I'm not sure what Nutty was doing to you either. She didn't seem to understand your position or past history w/ your sitch. I wasn't digging on how she was ripping on you either. I'm glad you cut her off.
On a different front, any news on your kids? Any news on the courts for you? I hope things are going in the right direction for you.
Ah, I see the kids Wednesdays and Sundays, unsupervised. I am not permitted to call or email them. Not sure why. I don't see who this arrangement is protecting.
I am renting a place I cannot afford and furnishing it for 4 kids, in hopes that I will have the opportunity to have them overnight sometime soon. I have no insight into whether that will happen, but I am preparing for the best.
So, are things going in the right direction for me? I don't know.
I hate not knowing.
I will learn at the hearing, next week. The evaluator will deliver her opinion on whether I should have time with the kids. The judge then has the opportunity to change the custody/visitation.
I am really anxious about the outcome.
It could go either way. I have no insight into which it will be. I thought that her petition for protection from domestic violence was totally bogus and at that time, I was confident that it would not be upheld, but then it was upheld. Unbelievable to me. It was devastating to me, emotionally, that she ripped my kids out of my life like that, and the courts helped her.
Ok, then rationally, I say to myself - the court has to protect the defenseless. The err on the side of caution. But the caution takes my kids away from me. Is this good? And then it takes 4 months to do an evaluation? And the evaluator said to me "we don't have time to really go in-depth." This is a frigging nightmare!! No time?!!?!? No time to make the right decision on my family? On my rights as a father? No time for that?
Sometimes it's too much to take.
Last edited by SirPrizeMe; 05/14/0803:06 PM.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Sir, from what I can tell, you really do sound like an awesome dad.
I really hope this hearing thing goes your way. I don't understand any of that either. Although, you could be right that maybe the courts are being overly protective right now. In my local metropolitan area, there have several recent terrible incidents of people who have killed their children in the midst of marital separation. I read some of the details of only one of the incidents, but it was the dad who did it. The mom had been to the courts and asked for protection for her and the kids and did not get it. He killed his two beautiful young children and then tried to commit suicide - he failed at that. None of the neighbors believed that the guy could have done such a thing.
It could be why the courts are being extra careful and taking extra long, except that it doesn't make sense why they can't "go iin-depth" because you'd think they'd want to.
(((hugs)))
Last edited by Nature Girl; 05/14/0803:35 PM.
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
I respect the need to be careful. I just wish things would move more quickly.
I'm trying to move on with my life. I don't find my prospects of very appealing.
The best outcome would be me as a single dad with kids, no spouse to share them with. Of course I could find a new mate, but it is a long long shot to find someone who loves your kids as much as you do. So when I will be with my kids, I expect to be on my own, alone. Already I have seen the dynamic, and it's a far cry from having a parenting partner. I miss my partner.
From this point on the worst outcome for me is for the court to continue on the path she has set for them, and give her 100% custody. Then I am a man with no family at all. I would be at her mercy, she could decide when and where I could see them, and so on. That is not the life of a free man at all. That is the life of a prisoner. It would be heartbreaking to me. Scary to think about it. So I try not to.
In a week I will know more.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
I really can't even comprehend how hurt you must feel about all this. I am totally dreading having to not be with my kids every other weekend and whatever evenings during the week if that is the kind of arrangement my H wants for himself. But I would never ever try to keep my kids from my H - I guess that is because I am sane and rational.
Don't even think about the scary worst outcome. Let those thoughts go, meditate to still your mind and release those thoughts. Can you tell I am just learing how to meditate?!?
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
