The flame is flickering out...

[SirPrizeMe]

Ah, I see the kids Wednesdays and Sundays, unsupervised. I am not permitted to call or email them. Not sure why. I don't see who this arrangement is protecting.

I am renting a place I cannot afford and furnishing it for 4 kids, in hopes that I will have the opportunity to have them overnight sometime soon. I have no insight into whether that will happen, but I am preparing for the best.

So, are things going in the right direction for me? I don't know.

I hate not knowing.

I will learn at the hearing, next week. The evaluator will deliver her opinion on whether I should have time with the kids. The judge then has the opportunity to change the custody/visitation.

I am really anxious about the outcome.

It could go either way. I have no insight into which it will be. I thought that her petition for protection from domestic violence was totally bogus and at that time, I was confident that it would not be upheld, but then it was upheld. Unbelievable to me. It was devastating to me, emotionally, that she ripped my kids out of my life like that, and the courts helped her.

Ok, then rationally, I say to myself - the court has to protect the defenseless. The err on the side of caution. But the caution takes my kids away from me. Is this good? And then it takes 4 months to do an evaluation? And the evaluator said to me "we don't have time to really go in-depth." This is a frigging nightmare!! No time?!!?!? No time to make the right decision on my family? On my rights as a father? No time for that?

Sometimes it's too much to take.