Help Me Act AS IF, Part 5

[SirPrizeMe]

I wasn't suggesting impropriety re: the fort. Nothing like that at all--only that the issue was not that daddy sometimes camps out with the kids. The issue was that d11 clearly knows we are not in good shape as a couple. What bugged me was that H ignored that part of it.

oh yeah, I totally get what you are saying. I get your perspective. I was only saying - he's not thinking along those lines. He's thinking legalistically. "There's nothing improper... blah blah" Ok maybe he hasn't seen an attorney, and maybe he has. Maybe he consulted with one informally, or he had a one-time consultation. It just sounds like he is thinking and acting with a mind toward legal implications. Refusing to move out until there is an agreement. the remark about "nothing improper."

As for mishka's comment,

Given that your D already knows something isn't right and has already read into that the D is looming would it really be for the best for H to stay there under increasing tension?

you cannot change how your husband feels, but you certainly have control over some aspect of the tension. The "increasing tension" is not a foregone conclusion, though I agree the situation is difficult.

Anyway, she asked if we could ride it out until mid-fall so that D11 could feel settled in her new school. I just don't know what to do anymore, I am so confused and upset and overwhelmed and exhausted.

This is the key point - you feel upset and exhausted. I know how you feel sister. But that's not a way to deliver your best performance.

Somehow you have to get to a point where, you don't like what he is doing, but you accept it anyway, because.... it's his life. Yes, his decisions affect you and you don't like the implications. But, he is deciding, and you don't get to make his decisions for him. So this is the crux of it. you can either struggle against it, or just see it for what it is, admit you don't like it, and admit you have no control over it. Do your best. Let go of the struggle.

I'm not saying "give up", I'm saying, stop fighting HIM. You said your goodwill has been depleted. Fill it back up.