Trying to wrap my mind around the situation

[TwinDad]

A quick sitch review: I am in the process of separating. My wife and I sold our house (had planned on doing that anyways) and split the proceeds. She took her half and put a down payment on something she calls "our" house and I am moving inot a rental home of a friend of ours. The separation is her choice, not mine. She never wants to talk about the R (says I smother her when we talk about it). We get along great, she says she needs her space. We have almost 3 years old twins who we plan to trade off every week.

She sends some very confusing signals. She involved me in the selecting of the house, has involved me in the selection of the furniture for the living room and the kids rooms (she wanted to get new stuff), etc. The confusing part to me is; She is asking me to make decisions in a life that she has effectively told me she doesn't want me to be a part of???? She also has all these ideas to upgrade "our" house (with a patio, hot tub, new appliances, wood floors) which she doesn't have the money for. Right now she is cash poor (having made the down payment on the house I have no legal right to) and I still have my proceeds from the sale of our home (because I am renting a home)

Also we moved to another state so it looks like we will be in this for a while if it doesn't work out (1 year to meet residencing requirements to file for D, and the state has a 1 year waiting period following filing when children are involved)

I have tried to be a good friend to her, helping with the move (despite the advice of many of her friends and family who suggested that I really show her what being alone is really like....to give her enough space to choke on). Last week she spent one week alone while I took the kids on a trip. IN that week she only spent one night alone and didn't like it at all.

The latest is she wants me to pay for half of the furniture for the kids rooms that will be in her house. Her argument is that it is for the kids. My reply was, well if things don't work out are you going to pay for half of a nice fuirniture set for the kids at my house.

My feeling is that she is wanting me to invest in a life she doesn't want to be a part of. We have agreed to have equal time with the kids, yet I get the feeling she views her house as their home and that my house will just be some place they go for a week when they are not at their home....therefore it doesn't need to be as nice. My feeling is that I should provide just as nice a home for them as she does.

My ultimate goal, would be for us to work everything out and for me to invest my portion of the proceeds to pay for the furniture and do the other upgrades to "our" house as my part of the down payment. Any thoughts or advice is appreciated. I feel very torn between a desire to be her friend (and of course husband) and just using the technique of last resort (I may save that if she actually files, but give her little doses of it here and there). The part that makes this difficult, is she is just the type of person to cut her nose off to spite her face, which is pretty much what she is doing with this separation. She gets very defensive when her friends and family tell her she is making a mistake (not at my request).