Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
((((Michelle))))) so sorry about your Grandpa. Glad to read the positives that have happened over the last couple of days, though.
You are in my thoughts. Corey
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Ack, my great aunts scheduled my grandfather's memorial and burial right in the middle of the week! Next Monday and Tuesday. I have no idea how I can possibly stay for that! That would require missing two classes (out of 14) for my summer school class!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Wow, that's rough. Guess they didn't ask you about it? (((Michelle)))
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
So, tentative plan is to drive down Friday afternoon and come back Sunday evening. My mom and I both would have issues trying to attend the funeral. My dad is kinda pissed at the family politics of the whole thing. *sighs*
Weird convo with H tonight. I started talking to him on IM, he was friendly. I teased him about the hickey, he commented that "it was a good time" then we were chatting about other things. A while later he jumps back to Sunday night: (7:50:46 PM) H: I'm not sure we should do that anymore though (7:51:10 PM) H: meeting up like that (7:51:55 PM) Me: dating? or just having sex? (7:52:17 PM) H: they kind of go hand in hand (7:53:20 PM) Me: sex isn't necessarily linked to dating (7:54:08 PM) Me: what's bugging you about it? (8:03:32 PM) H: its complicated (8:03:56 PM) Me: yes, it is (8:05:32 PM) Me: i see how the past complicates thing (8:05:46 PM) Me: but i thought the present was pretty straight-forward. why do you think it isn't? (8:11:31 PM) H: because it isn't (8:14:26 PM) Me: are you worried that i think things will just go back to how they were? (8:20:05 PM) Me: or are you worried i'm just using you for sex? (8:25:06 PM) H: hmm (8:29:12 PM) Me: i'm getting out of class now if you want to call me He didn't call me.
I get that it is normal to have periods of contact and withdrawal, but I really don't know what to make of that convo. The only thing I can think is that he has residual guilt, or new guilt because maybe H and OW are "back together" or something. Or maybe it's just as simple as these encounters are reminding him of feelings he thought were long gone.
He did this the last time - saying it wasn't a good idea a few days later. And yet, a few weeks later, he's asking me over again. I know I should focus on his actions and not his words, but I figure his words will also be followed up, at least for the moment, with action.
Has anyone else been through this? Any ideas? I think that we wouldn't have talked much in the next week or two no matter what was said or not said - I am crazy busy with school and work, plus going out of town this weekend. So, that's a week and a half of NC most likely. Not sure what else to do.
It seems like we're finally talking more. And there were months of very little and NC. Not to mention no ML. So, these are all positives, even if I don't like what he's saying. I'm not sure I've given this new stuff enough time, or if I should switch it up yet.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Oh boy. He's still very much confused, isn't he? (((Michelle)))
I don't know what to say. This recent convo between the two of you has me baffled as well. However, I do think it has to do with one of these issues:
Quote:
The only thing I can think is that he has residual guilt, or new guilt because maybe H and OW are "back together" or something. Or maybe it's just as simple as these encounters are reminding him of feelings he thought were long gone.
Hmmm.....I just don't have a clue, although NC sounds like a good way to go for now. Hopefully someone else can chime in and help out.
(((((Try to rest tonight, Michelle.)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I think that if you can do it, you should carry on as you have been, but avoid any OR talks- just listen and validate when he brings anything up. He's obviously confused, and I think that he's not in a place yet where he can date and then joke about it; for him it's something a bit scary (for whatever reason), so being there and fun with no pressure is probably a good way to go.....you just need to keep on enjoying your picnic.
I hope you're OK otherwise. This must be so tough to deal with on top of the news about your Grandad. ((((Michelle))))
L.xx
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
