H is Having Affair after all - Part 2

[Evie]

Hi Jen, Seek,

Project Cheer up - LOL, good project and got me thinking.

I think its a case of mind over matter. In the 6 months that we were s and I didn't know about the A, my PMA was much more positive. My mind still keeps replaying the last few years together, looking for signs that H wasn't happy. I still take that back to 4 years ago after S2 was born and I don't think the A was going on then. H basically wants to be single, no resposibilities or commitments (well not with me/us).

H hasn't responded to the email I sent him, but I know he spoke to his friend about it. When his friend asked H if he was going to come back to me, H replied no.


H is still very angry with me (I have no reason why)and easily misunderstands me and overreacts to situations.

This brings me to another point. I have tried to distance from him, but in my stitch it seems to atagonise him, for example: Last sunday he had the boys for the day and I asked H if I could have them back at an earlier time than usual. He texted back and asked why. I didn't respond. The boys and I had been invited to H's dad's flat for tea (he's a jwellery maker and is altering one of my rings which was ready to collect).

H had to drop some work stuff off later that evening for me and asked the girls where were the boys? They replied out with me. I never go out on a sunday eve b/c i work at home.

H questioned the boys the next morning b/c H txt'ed me and as a P.S added 'How was my Dad? I could tell he was cross.

My point is that i then re-read alot of my emails/texts to H and I do come across as angry, so i have tried to changed my tone and tried to be ameniable when he asking for decisions -he wanted to know what my plans were for the summer holidays, b/c he wanted to plan his time away with the boys and then a break for himself - i had originally just replied that i had no plans and hadn't even thought that far ahead (H has never planned ahead, hates to be organised, and in my mind the time away for himself is probably with OW!). I just thought to myself - girl you need to make some decisions, he may/may not be away with her and i can't do anything about it. In the end i just booked some holiday at work and will think about what plans to make.

I said to H that i hadn't made any plans as yet, i was to worried about money to spend anything atm. He called me after reading my email and said he was taking the boys away camping for one week, if i wanted to he could extend the booking for another week for me and the boys and i could go down for the second week and he would come back.

So i guess my improved attitude will help with interactions with H, if they're more positive then i have less angst, which has to be good.

I think I was just fighting against H, I don't want to be friends, I still want more, but he's not having any of it, however the more friendlier I am, the more helpful he is towards me and in the end I will get more help from him.

I'm also trying to spend more quality time with my kids. Last year we didn't have one barbecue. We have a huge gas one that H has always controlled and i didn't know how to use let alone connect up pipes etc. One night last week i spent time working it all out and washing it all down and practised using it, i feel really pleased with myself, i felt I achieved something. I invited a friend of S1 for a barbecue the next night and they really enjoyed themselves.

Later that evening i went out with a girl from my yoga class and her friends. we went for tapas and drinks. I had a really nice night and enjoyed the company. The next day my new friend txted me and said one of her male friends really liked me, which was really nice, but I didn't have any spark of attraction at all and as i said to my friend its too early for anything like that, i'm happy to meet in a group.

I see the solicitor today, I feel a bit in limbo. H has gone very quiet now on the house front, he hasn't mentioned it and i want to just go over my options with S.

xxxx