Torn between hope and anger

[BeingMe]

DB'ing does not say you shouldn't protect yourself and your children financially. I really do think you should seek legal counsel, and find out what your rights are, and perhaps get a Separation Agreement in place. You might even find you can sue the OW for alienation of affection ... I've heard it done before. Not saying you should do that, but consider all options, and make sure your H is legally held responsible for his part of the family's financial welfare ... you didn't force him to marry you or have a family.

He is not the man you married right now, so don't treat him as such. However, don't do anything out of bitterness, and anger. Be clear-headed, and businesslike with him. In my sitch, when I contemplated our separation and possible D, I knew I couldn't be friends, but I could be friendly for the sake of my children.

but they have not consummated their EA because her H asked her to wait until they are officially divorced

Did they not consummate their A four years ago? How can she possibly prove if she has or not? Sounds like your H likes the money she brings into the R. Wow!

Anyway, just some thoughts.