Torn between hope and anger

[lise]

I've been posting in the Newcomers forum, but it is clear that my H is in MLC and this place seems to have the stories that match mine. In fact, I don't even have to tell my story because it sounds so eerily like all of yours.

I think H has been in MLC for almost 4 years! OW entered the picture then, I found out 3 years ago, he said good-bye to her 2 years ago at my insistence, 1 year ago we took a sabbatical from our lives to move to South America for 8 months, and when we returned in March he reconnected with OW and has moved to her city 9 hours away from me, his 2 teenage sons and all we have built in our 21 year marriage. These past few years he became increasingly obsessed with how much longer he would have to do what he wanted to in life. He wanted a better sex life, he was worried about when he'll get alzheimers like his dad, he wanted to run for governor (seriously!) His past was unnecessary baggage and his OW is wealthy and idolizes him but they have not consummated their EA because her H asked her to wait until they are officially divorced. She had a prenuptual agreement and is set for life and can help my H live out his wildest dreams.

I have resisted D talk with my H up until now. But he has been so unrealistic about what his responsibilities are to me and his boys. He also has pushed for us to stay "friends" and it has been really hard for me to find a balance that is reasonable for my emotional health. I need some financial security during this waiting time. I don't think he'll give it without me doing something legal. He says he never wants to work a "real" job.

How do you DB when you need to talk about these issues that will inevitably make him get angry because they are making him face reality? I don't know how to approach him about it. He wants to start taking things to his new home (OW's second house) but I don't think he has a right to everything he is asking for. DBing says don't make demands on your spouse in MLC, but I NEED him to step up to his responsibilities.

I so dislike and disrespect who my H is right now. I am getting frighteningly close to hiring a lawyer and making H start paying for all the sh*t he has put me through for the past 4 years. But, although almost everyone around me says dump him, everything inside me says to keep the door open. I am so confused! How do I know when it is time to give up and move on? I hate how this is making me feel about myself and my life. I am a wreck...