Bit of journaling tonight, I have to say it's one of those nights, it's been a while but y'all know them. All I can say is at times like this it sucks being a LBS and still very much in love with your spouse. But I know I'll get through it albeit its tough when it seems only romantic comedies are on TV and "love" songs on the radio, argh! And to add to it D11, well almost D12, who's nearly her mother's size came up to me tonight for no known reason, gave me a hug, said Daddy I love you. At that moment I realized how much she looks like her mother and sounds like her too. I just hugged her back and said thank you. She walked off with an enormous smile. This situation is just killing her inside but like her mother she internalizes and puts on a brave face. Lordy she has a big heart.
Now something that was a bit difficult to deal with yesterday. D11 was working on a school project where she had to design a family coat of arms with traits she felt were central to her family. She choose, Religion, Love, Education and Tradition. I've always tried to teach our girls that we should always "just show love." So for Love she drew a picture of our family then told me about it, "we all love each other." Argh!
I no longer analyze everything to the nth degree but a question has been deep inside since mid-week, first why did my wife buy and give my Mother an orchid even nicer than she buys for herself and why did she join us for dinner on Mother's Day when my sister and I cooked for my Mother? Granted I extended the open invitation but she accepted almost too quickly, was it some sense of obligation or guilt because she knows my family hasn't taken sides and is honestly "just showing love?"
OK enough for now, suffice to say, yes I am still very much "in love" and "love" my wife even if when we were with the girls on Monday at the passport office and at lunch she barely spoke to me and seemed to me as if she wanted to be 1000 miles away. D9 said that night, "Daddy, I think Mommy enjoyed being with you today." Dang I sure didn't think she did, she didn't look at me and barely spoke, well didn't participate in chit chat.
Ah the fun of being a standing LBS!
Well Memorial Day is coming up and I'm thinking about heading over to the UK to visit friends. Hard to believe we've been back 18 months now, jeez we only lived there 18 months yet the place seems to hold some mysterious grasp for us both, for me it is very bittersweet. I turned 40 there and she gave me the most wonderful weekend of my life for my 40th birthday, a weekend in Paris and this beautiful photo album just of her. I was really looking forward to doing something memorable for her 40th. Sadly she got a signed separation agreement on her 40th. It was that day we finally agreed on all the points, we signed it two days later, guess that was memorable just not like I had originally planned. I had been looking forward to taking her to either the Caribbean or south Pacific.
Can I keep holding on, keep standing??
Last edited by catfan; 05/14/0804:15 AM.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
