Again, I am not trying to paint him into a monster, the object here is to have HIM not look as loving as your husband has been.
Add more to this list if you can, but I think you are starting to see some human in this OM now, which will help dispell the fantasy and the thinking about him. If you DO find yourself thinking about him, go back to this list and work on it more.
Now try to make a list of how your husband has been warm and loving to you (as warm and loving as can be expected) during this situation.
For example, despite your participation in 1 - 5 above, your husband loves you and wants you back in his heart and his life.
I think if you work in that list, and the one you started above, you will start to find your husband to be the one you think about more and the OM increasingly less. Ask yourself if your husband would do any of the items in 1 to 5 with someone?
You could also consider working on a short letter to women who are having affairs or who are wanting to leave their affair, and a short letter to the OP in affairs, tell them what you think about what they are doing, and how much better life would be for them if they ended the affair and the unfaithful spouse worked on their relationship.
Its just a generic letter, but it may help you build some reinforcement for yourself at the same time. If you post it here, someone may even read it and benefit..its a win win.
