Mishka's- new thread/new tude - H who?

[mishka422]

MMF - The verse I posted on your Faith thread was my "slap in the head" for the day. I had been sitting at my desk quietly sobbing most of the day in between phone calls and crazy clients with their last minute emergencies. It was pretty awful. I decided I really needed a major pick me up before I lost it. Do you remember that Susan woman with the diet infomercial that used to scream, "STOP THE INSANITY!!"? I kept hearing that over and over in my head and went to the place I get the most comfort and the biggest wake up calls.....The Word of God.

Specifically, I had Googled "uplifting scripture" and the first link that popped up was to a "daily scripture" website that will email you a passage every day. The example passage there was Matthew 10:39. It had it in the translation from "The Message" bible. I don't especially like that translation so I looked in up in New Living Bible Translation and that is what I posted. Looking at it again, I would have to say that the translation from "The Message" is actually pretty right on and hits with more blunt language. That translation says,

Jesus said, “If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.”

WOW! Did I never need that! Get outside of yourself Mishka! Get out of your head! Get on your darned knees girl and pray for guidance, mercy, and peace. Do it now!

I'm already starting to feel better. I was seriously almost suicidal for a while there which is so unlike me. Not having any self-confidence and self-loathing are two very different things. I may not have any confidence, but I'm sure going to get some.

My H will have to be on a back burner. I can't worry about what he's doing, that he is humiliating me by being seen in public with OW by our friends, or the lack of fatherly attention he gives our son. I will be all things to S13 because that is apparently the way it is supposed to be. H is "fun dad" and not a parent right now. His loss. I won't let my son suffer the loss of me too. To be here physically but not mentally is not fair to him. I do know that I have more sensibility than that no matter how depressed I may be.

Suck it up! Move on! Be cordial, but DON'T be friendly with H. Here is my list of my goals for myself for this week. I would really love some feedback from you guys.

1)Smile when spoken to no matter how I'm feeling at the moment and when someone casually asks, "How are you?" I'm going to STOP answering with "OK." and start answering with "Blessed, and you?"

2)Take a walk immediately after work every night for at least 30 minutes. They will just have to wait for dinner.

3)Get a pedicure. Thankfully I get paid Friday so I am going to make a point of doing this on Saturday. I'm going to invite one of my friends to go with me. Not sure yet who....it's going to have to be someone that might actually say yes!

4)Make a concerted effort to clean my house. I have been spot cleaning but it's not effective enough and I think I would feel better if it was much neater.

5)Make a date with my son on Saturday night. I'm not sure yet what we are going to do. I'd love any suggestions you might have.

Well, what do you think?