Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Mrs. H, If a discussion was raised about an "informal" visitation schedule and you have something somewhat in place as you mentioned, Wednesdays and every other weekend, well...stick to that informal schedule and let it be. The man is trying to drive you over the edge so that you'll say or do something that you'll regret later on. Trust me, he's pushing buttons big time for one reason--to show his lawyer, the judge and anyone else that will listen that you are not being cooperative.
If the JA calls again and is asking over and over again, just say, JA, I have to go, someone is at the door or my dog is outside and I need to check on him/her. You can find any number of excuses to use for hanging up. He doesn't deserve your time or attention. Be nice, but be firm and businesslike. He's losing control and he will only get worse before he gets better.
As for you, please try to have a pleasant birthday. Do not allow JA to ruin it for you. They really do have a problem with us enjoying any holiday or special event, and yet, they are the ones that are suppose to be enjoying life and their new found freedom....so not so w/them.
Please take care of yourself and do not answer that phone again. BTW, can you set the ring tone on your cell so that you can identify if it's him calling?
Happy Birthday a day early!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly, I wish I could set my phone to ring a different ring for him but since he canceled my caller ID I can't do it anymore.
So he called. I said "hold on" really quickly and tried to get the boys to talk to him, neither one did.
I got back on the phone and said "sorry, they don't want to talk."
JA: Wait! Am I coming tomorrow or Thursday to see the boys?
Me: I don't know, why don't you tell me.
JA: Well I have no problem coming Thursday but I just want to point out you didn't let me have them on birthday last year because you planned a Halloween party on my birthday.
Me: No I did not. I checked my records. Your birthday was on a Monday last year and you wanted them the whole weekend. It was originally my weekend so I scheduled a Halloween party for them and then you wanted to take them saying it was your "birthday weekend." I was not going to cancel the party for them. I let you have them after the party.
I think I caught him off guard with all that.
JA: Well then it must of been the year before then that you wouldn't let me have them on my birthday.
Me: Well I don't know about that. It was 2 years ago. I don't hold grudges from something that happened that long ago.
JA: Well I am just sayin' that we need to work together on this.
Me: I am aware of that however your usually the one who won't be cooperative.
JA: Well you never want to switch days.
Me: that's not true. As a matter of fact I just switched with you a few weeks ago when we had court on a Wednesday and you asked me if you could come up on a Thursday instead so you didn't have to travel back this way 2 times in one day.
I shut him up.
Then he started up again and started spewing.
Me: Listen, I got to go. I don't have time to fight with you. I appreciate you coming on Thursday instead of tomorrow. Thank you very much, now have a g'nite.
He was still yelling and I hung the phone up.
I know I probably did a lot of defending of myself and more explaining than I needed to do, but at this point, 2 years down the road of this crap, I just don't care anymore.
Oh, I left out when he was spewing he said to me "you know I am really beginning to hate you."
I said "beginning to hate me? Please, it seems you have been hating me forever. So that's not news to me."
That's when I hung up.
Dork.
Oh, Just so you know....my S7 declared Sunday to be Brother's Day. (Just like Mother's day) So he and his brother are going to do nice things for each other.
MaMa, I don't think he is taping the conversations because he truly sounds like an arse on the phone. I mean I don't think he would bring up that I owed him a sexual favor from over 10 years ago if he was recording! LOL
I brought a recorder to tape our conversations but for some reason it never picks up the other person's voice. But I do save and record all the VM's and answering machine messages he has left me.
Sooo...JA calls back. He wanted to make sure that I told S7 that he is not coming tomorrow and that he is coming on Thursay instead.
I told him that I already told S7.
JA: Ok, because I want him to know because I was supposed to take him to the car show tomorrow night and now I can't so I just want to make sure he knows I will be there on Thursday instead. I have never broken a promise to him so I don't want to start now.
He sounded like he was going to cry, maybe he even was. What up with that?
I told him that I always tell the boys when he is not coming on Wednesday and is coming a different day.
Boundaries are tough, but if possible do not turn to your L to set them for you. That is not her job. That said, i can't say I've done the greatest job w/boundaries, but I'm doing better.
If H shows up w/o permission, here is advice that I got:
-Don't be there. Or be on your way out. -Let him in, but make it an uncomfortable situation. For example, have a friend there. Have several friends/party. -Turn the tables. Gush and welcome him. It will confuse him as he is used to being oppositional w/you.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
(Just like Mother's day) So he and his brother are going to do nice things for each other. 