I hope so too GF, but I tell you, I read your sitch and I see so many similarities between you and I and between our H's and I am beginning to question why I want him to come home.
(((SW)))
Yes, there are similarities, but please don't get discouraged because of what's happening in my sitch. Even though your H isn't living at home, he still comes around, presenting you with the opportunities to shine by showing him your genuine changes. I understand how angry you are with his decision to leave, but you can't show him that. You can't let him feel it. I had to remind myself of this everyday. I had to make myself act as if I was happy, as if nothing was eating away at me. The more I just did it, the more it became easier for me to accomplish. It also made my interactions with my H a lot more pleasant.
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He is there today watching D and complaining, first it is that that I do everything half assed because there was some jam on the outside of the jam jar(probably a month old since he was there, can't remember the last time I had jam), then it was that there were crumbs on the floor in our bedroom (where d sits to watch tv), I am not even trying to keep up the house...
Then when he went to take D to school her homework had been put back in the bag with a note on it to do the back of the page(the previous 2 weeks it was only the front). I had not even gone in her bag last night because homework comes home on Wed. I had her get out her book they sent home to read so I didn't notice. To that I got a text that said "she didn't finish her homework are you done or what because this is an f'n joke"
He obviously is in a bad mood today so it must be my fault.
Ok, I agree. He's in a nitpicky mood. Just looking for any kind of justification as to why he was unhappy at home, making himself feel better having made his choice. IOW, He is NOT happy with his choice to leave his family, but he will try anything to convince himself otherwise.
So how to remedy this???......DON'T give him the chance to find the justification he is scrambling for. Clean the house. I know you are a working mom, so get help if you need it. Also from now on, be sure to check D's bag every afternoon after school and/or work (I slipped up once and didn't catch a big assignment that was due the next day! H was p*ssed off more with me than he was with S12.), and oh! Try not to forget to wipe up the jam jar!
Look around the house and improve anything else you think needs it. Get to it before he does.
Tackling his gripes will show him that you are listening to him, and that you care.
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I want to rip a strip off him about it, but I called when i got back from my lunch and asked,"What is with you today, you seem to be going around looking for anything I might be doing wrong" He was then nice on the phone, I think he thinks he can say anything he wants by text.
Hmmm, maybe he feels that is the only time he can say what is on his mind without it becoming a heated debate as it might if you two were face-to-face?
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My problem is if I choose not to bite my tongue I have a hard time staying in the moment, my response would be more like I am sorry the house isn't clean enough given that you walked out on your daughter and I, I have more things to worry about. So then I say nothing.
Yeah, I've had those kind of moments, too.
Truth is, they do not bring us any closer to repairing the R. Instead, we end up pushing our H's further away because we haven't worked towards forgiving them for their mistakes.
The sooner we work on forgiveness, the sooner we can begin to move forward in a positive direction.
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So teh he changes the subject were you out playing catch, how many times did you play this week?
He's probably thinking if you've got time to play catch, then you've got time to clean house and make sure that D gets her homework done.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
