Yes lwb I did have a very rough weekend. It was an uncomfortable feeling at work yesterday when unknowing people were asking, "how was your weekend?"
It is nice not to hear the door opening at 2am or 5am or whenever. Although every time I hear a car coming down the street (I live on a dead end street, so it isn't very often), I look out the window to see if it is him. I can't believe all of the things he has left behind. Things that I would think that he needs: his jeans, his glasses, his blanket, his tennis shoes. Why hasn't he came to get this stuff?
I thought I would try with that text message yesterday. I had TM him Saturday night and he messaged me back. I thought it was worth a try, oh well. I am not going to contact him until his paycheck comes in the mail later this week.
I am still concerned that he is never going to miss me. He is so self absorbed that he isn't even thinking of me.
Well today is my "free" day. I plan on watching the trashing reality shows that H got me hooked on. And just basically vegging out in front of the TV tonight. It is raining (again) and looks like a nice day to stay indoors.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
I am still concerned that he is never going to miss me. He is so self absorbed that he isn't even thinking of me.
He'll get sick of being self absorbed though. The thoughts of what he's giving up and what you might be doing without him will creep in. How he will react to that is unknown. But it will happen. He will miss you if you give him enough time.
The plan to contact him when his paycheck arrives is good. Keep it detached and just business for now.
The things that he left will provide him with excuses to see you when he wonders how you are doing. They also provide him excuses to contact you. Also, he hasn't cut all ties to you. These are all positives.
Enjoy your day off. Have a great day!
(((Sara)))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Yep, I remember people asking me how my weekend was. It does get better.
Originally Posted By: MichelleLT
The things that he left will provide him with excuses to see you when he wonders how you are doing. They also provide him excuses to contact you. Also, he hasn't cut all ties to you. These are all positives.
I agree with that.
He will miss you, but it will take some time. It will also take some positive interactions. I think it is good that his paychecks are coming there because it is an excuse for interaction. Those of us without kids don't have as much reason to see our spouses.
When you do see him, just be the best Sara you can be. Don't ask him where he is staying, who he is with, or any other questions, don't get upset with him. Just business, and be happy and upbeat.
I am scared that he is never going to miss me. That he is loving this new life so much that I am the last thing that crosses his mind. But I know that he has to miss me a little.
hon, he might not miss you, not because you aren't worth his time but because in his mind he only thinks of him and is too confused and empty, he doesnt' realize how his actions affect you, he is too involved in filling his void, how else would you excuse his latest behaviors?? a normal man wouldnt' go more than one day all peachy when his W isnt' talking to him and is hurting.
Let go, if he loves his life without you what does that tell you? do you want a man who wouldn't give a care if he's with you or not or one who yearns to see you? if he is happy where he is then you don't need this man, star, you don't need this kind of man
Let him go, only then you'll know if it was worth holding on to him.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
He is lucky to have you and he doesn't know it, What I would give for a W that loved me the way we can see how much you love your H
W is moving out and there is nothing I can do but wave goodbye I cannot control her everyone says detach, I say help her pack,
Pray for my kids they are getting screwed
M45 W41 M10 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 Merry christmas to me PA confirmed 03/08 no sex yet ?? hoping !!! let me hope !! WHAMMO - W moving out June 1st - 19 days
I am just not at the point where I am reading to totally let go. I am still hanging on to that hope that he is going to snap out of this and come back and I will see the man I fell in love with again. As this continues on, I suppose that I will be ready to totally let go. I know I deserve better in life than the way he is treating me. But I still believe that he can and will treat me the way I should be treated again.
I never thought that him leaving that stuff might be an excuse to come see me. I thought it was odd that the 4 bags of stuff I packed up for him wasn't all taken. He took 2 bags and then left the rest in the garage. Maybe he was thinking of this as an excuse to come to the house. I am not sure since he hasn't been to the house. I am wondering how on earth he is going on without his glasses.
I know it is a little different for those of us without kids. I often wonder how things would be for us right now if we had children. But I feel like I need to mourn the children we were planning on concieving right now (were going to start trying in March 2008) because it isn't happening.
Thanks Jeff. He is lucky and he thinks that I deserve better than him. Maybe he is right, but I take my marriage vows that I said before God seriously. I can't just quit until I feel like I have tried everything I could do to save this marriage.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Re his glasses: does he have a spare set, or prescription sunglasses?
As for hope, it is GREAT to have hope. You are not giving up, you are setting boundaries. You are DBing still. You are detaching, but detaching means letting go of expectations, not letting go of hope. Do not be afraid to hope for the future, just be careful not to expect him to call or come by or do things for you.
This S will probably be a good thing. When a M/R gets to this point, S sometimes is the only chance. It was hard for me to accept that, but looking back over the last 10 months, I KNOW its true, and it's worked in my favor. I hope your S will do the same thing.
(((Sara)))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Thanks Michelle for those words of wisdom. I know that you are right. This is the best thing for both of us. H has never experienced independance. He went from living with him parents to living with me. I however went away to a 4 year university and also lived alone in an apartment for 2 years before I even met my H. So I think in the big picture of things, this is best for him and for me. It is just hard to accept that because it is so painful.
I just checked my cell phone and I had one TM. It was from H and it just said "Hi Sara." That put a small smile on my face because at least he thought about me.
About his glasses...he recently got contacts. So I guess he doesn't seriously need the glasses. The only pair he had left are his spare ones because when we were watching that movie the other Saturday his regular glasses broke (I noticed that when he is around me, he wears his glasses and not the contacts). I just thought that he would need his glasses whenever he takes out the contacts. But I don't know... I am sure he is figuring something out. Who knows, maybe he got the other pair fixed.
I didn't mention this, but yesterday I laughed so hard. The first time I have really laughed in 4 months. A bird pooped in one of my co-teacher's hair! HAHAHA!! My gosh it was funny. It felt good to laugh...too bad about my co-teacher, but it sure did feel good to finally laugh.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
I think the separation is the best thing for both of you too. I know you are sad and i know it is hard, but in time you may find yourself enjoying being there alone without all the tension. It is OK to enjoy it. It doesn't mean that you don't love him or you don't want your marriage to work out. It is ok to be ok. I had a hard time grasping that concept.
He needs to be independent. Even if he doesn't want to, he needs to be. He doesn't appreciate the things you do becuase he has never had to do them himself. He will find out what it is like to be a grown up.
That's nice that he sent you the text. See, he hasn't completely forgotten about you like you think.
I am glad you had a laugh. It does feel good doesn't it?? As time goes on you will start to have more and more of those moments.
Sara, be careful what you wish for! Now that my H has moved out he emails and/or calls almost every day, but it's usually to complain about something or whatever (he's not a happy person even now that he's moved out and living his "dream" life apparently). I wish he wouldn't keep me on his mind so much!!! Karen
Now that my H has moved out he emails and/or calls almost every day, but it's usually to complain about something or whatever (he's not a happy person even now that he's moved out and living his "dream" life apparently). I wish he wouldn't keep me on his mind so much!!! 
Karen