Nutty, I cant thank you enough for posting back to me all the time. I really have appreciated all you have said to me. I would have loved to have had your advice many times in the past. I am pretty sure that we will move forward even more than just being friends this weekend (at least I hope). THanks again, TIPPER
Things seem to be going well so far with my H and I.
This may sound superstitious, but last friday I saw a rainbow. I have been waiting a year and a few months to see one again, and it was a magnificant rainbow ring all around the sun (I have never seen one like it before). But last year on the day my H left me, it was sunny and raining and I saw the biggest and brightest rainbow ever. I thought to myself that day, that it was a sign from God that I will either be allright/healed or back with my H the next time I would see one. I have been looking and waiting, and it finally appeared. I think it was a sign from God, especially because it was in the shape of a ring.
That same day, When I got home from work my H and I got together for dinner. He gave me a gift. It was a diamond "Life's Journey" neclace. I practically melted. I felt so good about the fact that he picked it out due to the name of it. I felt like this was another good sign from God - as I had previously planned on telling my H (before he came back to me) that If he doesnt want to go through "life's journey" with me that I would be just fine on my own. Thank God I never had to say those words, But it seems like fate that the necklace is the same exact name as the wording I was going to use if he asked for a D.
We saw our old friends band play at the restaurant we ate at and my H actually spoke and said hi to many of his old friends and even their parents. Afterwards he was willing to go to his old best friends house for a few drinks and that went well also. Then we walked to his apartment and I asked him if I could stay the night & of course that was great too!
On saturday, we spent the day apart and then went out to dinner and Watched movies all night and stayed at my place that night.
He showed me the apartment he is going to move into for a while until we know that we are solid. It is so wierd and awkward to have him move and not be back home with me. He will be in an apartment in which the girl bartender from his favorite bar is living down stairs. This is a huge red flag for me. I dont know if I am too comfortable with this move. I have never met this girl, but I have major trust issues now.
My H said he has no idea how long he will stay thier. He even said to me at one point that maybe we would just be better off not living together at all, and that many couples do that. Then he said he realizes that is no way to raise a family however and so he would hope that before next winter we have some arrangement together figured out. I told him we will figure something out as time goes on.
I agree that we shouldnt rush our move back in w/each other, but I feel like this is just a desire for him to still have his freedom and I know he is gonna party with his friends and hers there because it has a bonfire pit (and he has told me they all allready have done that). I most likely would be invited now, but I dont know how comfortable I would feel. I dont think thier is any thing going on with this girl, but I just hate that arrangement.
Am I too jealous & making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be??? TIPPER
Does anyone have any opinions about the above topic?
My H text me last night & said I wish you were here (at his gig). I dont go to it, cuz I do art night with a freind (GAL).
Then he asked me if I would like to grill up some dinner today after work. I said Yes, and I am so excited to see him - it has been 2 days for us apart & it seems like forever.
Hi Tipper, I don't think I have posted to you before but I just wanted to say it sounds like your R is moving along and you are very smart to be taking it slow.
The red flag thing with the female living downstairs...I am SURE it is nothing but I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. It is probably not jealously as much as you feel distrust.
My H and I reconciled and he has been home almost a year now. I still wonder why he is late home from work or who is talking to on the phone and when he goes out with friends if he is really with them.
I know all of this distrust stems from what he has done. I wanted my M and I am very happy that things are better now than they were. We go to MC and I express my fears and distrust then, I have been assured that it is absolutely normal and with time these feelings will get less and less.
H also does a great job of reassuring me...he calls when he is going to be late...etc... Somedays I want to snoop, check his email, cell phone, but I don't.
I do believe H is home for good. I do believe he is truly sorry for his actions. I also feel he is thankful that I gave us a second chance...
The feelings you have are normal...what does your gut tell you? It sounds like your H wants to be a family again. I would not give a second thought about where he is moving. If you continue to spend more time together, he may be home sooner than you think!
I totally understand how you may feel uncomfortable around "his" friends. However, I think you really need to go places when he invites you. A big part of this in my male mind is you as a female staking your "claim" to him. Not by being jealous or possessive. Rather, just by being with him. This will speak volumes to the other females way beyond what any words can say. This could also be a small step for him to help rebuild trust.
Take Care,
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
What are the reasons your H has left before when you had got back together?
I am wondering if you have a jealousy issue ?? I am not saying you have just wondering if you had faced similar issues in the past. You are clearly good at DBing But something seems to be going wrong when you get him back….
I wouldn’t worry about the Woman in the other flat too much at the moment, remember your divorce busting and be silent and still. He may be testing you, looking for reactions.
Don’t give him one (easier said than done, I know)
How did your grill date go?
Nutty
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
Thank you all so much - you guys rock. Excellent advice!!!
I think your all right about not worriing about where he moves to. My H was saying yesterday that now he is not so sure that he wants to move into there at all. So he doesnt know if he will leave the apartment he is already in until we make a move together. But if the new apartment is ready - then he may consider it. Maybe he was just testing me to see how I would react (like nutty suggested).
I also think your all right about going out and meeting "his" friends also. I do think it will make me feel a bit more at ease as to some of my questions in my mind about who he hangs with now. I will go watch him play, and I will try to be confident and smile a lot. I dont know if I should go alone though, or to bring a friend along?
Nutty, I have always been a bit of a jealous person (mostly due to my H having some affairs before we were M). I've seen him flirt with many women in our years together & it just bugs me. Also, This is only our third try at piecing (the first one I counted was our M itself). The first time he came back - there were many signs that he was still confused and unsure, but he tried for a few months before things fizzled out. He got really depressed and left. Then our 2nd try was just a joke (only a week) and he was still blaming me for everything. This third time seems to be so different, as though he has really had a change of heart and see's the damage he has caused with out blaming me.
I do believe he was just "half baked" the first two tries we took at reconcieling. I didnt bring up jealousy issues during either time, and he even told me when he left that I had been great to him and not making him feel bad about the stripper-girl/EA.
So this time he seems much more awakened and realistic about what has happened.
I asked H last night if he would go on a bahama's cruise/disney world vacation that i won, and he said yes. We are planning on going in August during our 8th wedding anniversary. I was so happy that he commited with out hesitation. I think this trip is well needed for us both.
Thanks again to you all. Any one have advise as to wether I should go to his gig alone or with a friend? TIPPER
Update: Well things are going so wonderful with my H and I.
This last thursday night - I ususally go out to trivia night with friends at a local rest./bar, and my H actually text me to join in. It was a blast, I was shocked that he has been willing to come hang with me around his old friends even though it can be awkward and I was also shocked that he was bored and had nothing better going on. After he told me he was envious of me doing these types of things.
Anyways, when we had an alone moment while at the bar, he leaned over and told me he was so madly in love with me, and the look on his face agreed. I just about crumbled and I really feel like my dream is coming true.
This whole weekend was fantastic, my H and I were together the whole time. He told me today that he wasnt going to move into that other apartment after all. This is a really good sign to me (the other place just seemed like a party haven/freedom hut) and I am glad that he has reconcidered. I think he may be getting more and more used to the idea of just staying at his apartment he is in until he is ready to move back in with me.
Well tommorow evening his band has a gig at a local bar and I told him I would like to come and watch him. He seems a little nervous, but I will be even more nervous to meet all of his young friends and band members. I need to be confident and polite. And I am going to dress to kill. This is going to bring me back to our days in High School when he was in a band and I would go watch him. TIPPER
I still dont know if I should go alone to my H's gig tonight or with a friend.
Any suggestions?
I feel like it would be better for me to go alone. This way thier is no extra pressure on my H to do perfect. Also, I feel like I will be showing more confidence and poise If I am alone. This will be awkward though, I dont often go to or sit at bars all alone - like ever.
Well last night was great. My H's gig went well. I met many of his younger friends (many which are females) and I think I did pretty well about not showing any jealousy or restentment towards them even though that was a bit of how I felt.
Anyways, I think I did allright overall. And when my H got up to play, I went up to the bar alone to buy a drink and some really cute guy offered to buy it for me and started hitting on me. I had to tell the guy that I was here to watch my H play. The guy was nice, but it was even nicer to get hit on in front of all my H's friends.
At the end of the night, We went back to his apartment since it is in walking distance and I told H that I was happy he was wearing his wedding ring. He was so nice to me all night and gave me some reassurances that he isnt intersted in the other women that flirt with him.
Well getting up for work today was really hard. But I made it. I dont know how these people party on monday nights all the time. TIPPER
