Mishka's- new thread/new tude - H who?

[mishka422]

You are absolutely right and my therapist said the same thing. I need to put my foot down and lovingly force her to accept outside help and accept that I can not be her everything. I have always let my mother manipulate me emotionally and I let H do the same thing. I am a people pleaser and hate to rock the boat so I suck it up, paste a smile on my face, and pretend everything is just peachy keen. It is slowly but surely killing me.

My mom used to be a fun loving person who was always ready with a smile and a helping hand. Now, because of her illness, she has become whiny and crotchety. I have blown up at her a couple of times since this mess started and told her that I have to have time for me. I can't spend my life sitting in the living room with her because she doesn't want to be alone. I have to find a life of my own and figure out how to do everything on my own and having to bend over backwards for her is not helping that.

There are plenty of organizations that offer senior transport services to take her to and from dialysis and I think Medicare will pay for that. She just won't get out of her comfort zone and allow that. She is going to have to especially if I get the new job I am trying to get. It will mean a long commute for me everyday but will have much more opportunity than my current job and more money and benefits. I would no longer have the flexibility to take time off to run her around. Consequently, I also would not be able to attend a lot of my son's school events either. It's all about sacrifice for our families though isn't it?

I was completely amazed last night when I got to karate and opened my book, "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore, and the next chapter was about properly grieving loss. It was an inspiring chapter. I'm obviously grieving pretty hard over the destruction of my family.

Everyone says that I just need to change my vision of my family for the future. I can't seem to do that. When I try to visualize our lives without my H in them it goes black. It is full of sadness and loneliness. That's just terrible. I don't know how to move around that.

Thank you again for your support and your kind words. I really do need to brutal honesty too. It helps to snap me back to some bit of normalcy if even for just a minute.

Curiosity Angelica......where did you get the idea that the US is big on volunteering? It's really not true. The majority of this country is completely self-serving. If there is nothing in it for them, then people don't jump up to help. It's sad, but true.