Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain 37

[MissH]

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain 36

I am a little down today. I think that time of the month is arriving.

Yesterday was a pretty uneventful Mother's Day. I cleaned out my minivan which took me over 2 hours!

I cleaned every nook and cranny in that car and took out all 4 of the back seats to do it. I even scrubbed the carpet!


Then I took the boys out to Chilli's for Mother's Day.

That's when the sadness started to hit. I kept trying to tell myself be grateful for the 2 little boys you have but every time I looked another happy family was walking in all complete with the mother and father.

Bleh.

So last night JA called to talk to the boys. (I wish I still had caller ID) Anyway, they didn't want to talk. I told him Wednesday is my birthday and I was wondering if we could switch to him seeing the boys on either Tuesday or Thursday so I could spend it with them.

He got all nasty and said "nope, I didn't have them last year on my birthday because you had to have a Halloween party for them."

I just said "goodbye."

I wasn't dealing with his sh!t on Mother's day.

And he is so full of it. Last year his birthday fell on a Monday. He told me it was his birthday weekend and wanted to have them the whole weekend. Birthday weekend? Geez, most people only get a day, he wanted a whole weekend!

I had a Halloween party for the boys on the Saturday before his birthday and he asked me if he could have them on the weekend a few days leading up to it.

He got mad and wanted me to reschedule the party and I wouldn't.

I allowed him to come and get them after the Halloween party and he kept them until that Sunday night. S7 obviously had school the next morning so he had to bring them home. He could of gotten them on the night of his birthday but he didn't.

So he TM's me after I hung up on him. "I wasn't allowed to take the boys on my bday because you were having a halloween party. Remember? Now What?"

Yeah, now what? I was thinking of sending him an email of EXACTLY what happened last year.

I am so sick of this.

[Lissie]

((((((((((hugs)))))))))

Mother's Day will be hard for a while I guess.

Glad you and the boys went out to eat.

I am just so sorry about JA. Javier is being that way again, only worse now.

It just sucks to even talk about it anymore right?

One day they will stop being so hateful. They just have to.

Till then we just focus on us and the babies.

HUGS for you today.

[Maya44]

That's a much better response than I was going to give, so listen to Lissie.

[momof2girls]

I have just caught up on your thread and JA is totally losing it because you are not giving him any control. GOOD FOR YOU!!

He wants to argue with you constantly in order to get your attention. He is seeking attention, negative or positive at this point. Don't give him any!!

As far as your birthday, don't bring it up again, let him come get them as usual and celebrate your day either the day before or after...you don't want to have to deal with him on your birthday.

I am sure Mothers Day was a little sad...I remember how I felt last year and H and I had gotten into a huge fight and his family got involved so I basically cried all day last year...

You are doing well, I love how you are not putting up with his crap. I also had to laugh out loud about the dining room set...How does he remember that?? It just shows he is always trying to blame you for something...obviously you are not doing anything really wrong right now if he has to bring up sexual favors from 10 years ago...I am laughing again.

I see him losing serious control of his life...stay as far away as possible!

[cat03]

hugs)))))))))) i tried not to look at the "complete" families either

But you know... what the heck is that supposed to mean anyways?? our family, kids and us, are a PERFECT beautiful family.
Chasing the blues away for you toots)))))

[brandnewday]

Hey Mrs.H


Keep telling yourself he is mentally ill, it is easier to deal with that way.

You are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

So pick the lesser of the two evils.


Sending you hugs

((((((((hugs))))))))

[hope2]

Mrs H,

I agree with BND that they are mentally ill, actually like some who had a nervous breakdown. With pieople like that you do not argue or try to prove your point because they can't see the point. They are just carrying on as if noone else exists. So keep you sanity around them otherwise they will try and get you in the hole they are in as well. It is a long recovery and very slow progress.

Have faith and don't give up. You are the only sane person around that they can do a reality check.

[job]

Mrs. H,
It's always a downer a bit when you see families today and having a great time, but you know what? You have two wonderful little boys that love you very much. You have a family that would do anything for you and friends that love you. That's what is important right now....knowing you have all of this love around you at any given time. I know that you would like JA to straighten up, but it's not going to happen any time soon, and let's face it, he may never wake up and you sure don't want that attitude around each and every day.

Honey, I know that you would like to have the boys around for your birthday, but you set yourself up to be slam dunked by the JA. This gave him great pleasure in denying your request. So, what do you do? Keep quiet about it and just celebrate the day either the day before or the day after w/your boys. Don't give him the power to hurt you. He's just waiting to do this over and over again. Don't respond to his email....just let it go. It's not worth the aggravation, pain and hurt that you experience from reading it. I'm sorry he's not willing to meet you half way, but now you know more than ever as to what you are dealing with.

I hope that the rest of the week will be better for you. Take care of yourself.

[ShadesofGrey]

Mrs, you have been doing such a great job in dealing with JA's lunacy. Honey I give you credit because by now I would have decked him I'm sure.

I agree that you should celebrate your bday the day before or the day after. Also, just plant the seed in your mind that he is going to try really hard to piss you off and ruin your bday, so don't be surprised if he brings the boys home late.

And yes I always try to avoid the happy families too. But a couple of weeks ago me and the kids went out to dinner with a friend that just happens to be male and his kids. The waitress (and probably other diners) thought we were a family. So looks can be deceiving my dear.

Hope you have a great week.

Love,
Shades

[MissH]

Thanks everyone for stopping by.

I can't take this anymore.

JA TM'd me "What days are good for the boys to see me this week?"

I thought maybe he was changing his mind about my birthday tomorrow and was going to allow me to have them.

So I called him up instead of playing TM games.

I asked him "what day works for you the best? I will see if it's good for me."

JA: All the days work for me. I want to see them EVERYDAY this week.

Me: Well that's not possible, you need to choose one.

JA: No I don't. My L said I am entitled to liberal visitation and I can see them as much as I want.

I hung up on him.

I called my L and told her what happened. I told her he is also showing up on his non-visitation days.

She told me to tell him that it's not convienent.

I told her that doesn't work with him.

She said to tell him your busy and he can't see them.

Again, I told her that didn't work. (Does she realize who I am dealing with or what?)

She said "you have to tell him it's not convenient."

Once again I said "Listen, it does not work with him. He will show up anyway."

Finally she said "fine, I will call his L about it."

She seemed like I was bothering her with stupid sh!t but tough. That is what she is there for, to protect me from this crap.

I just can't handle the stress.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I know he is going to pull something on me.