I had my S's through Wednesday morning, dropping them off at their respective schools/track-out camp. W picked them up afterwards in the afternoon. I ran an extra half-hour late that morning (on top of the normal lateness due to this unusual schedule when I have the children) because S7 insisted on sleeping late and dragging his feet more than usual (I think he's practicing to be a teenager already.)
Because of this, I had to work that much later beyond my normal time. Also I was unable to drop off S's nighttime sleeping companions / plush animal toys before bedtime. For this W left me some nasty voicemails. She said I was being thoughtless and selfish, having no thought of our S's needs. She claimed I was using this as an excuse to enter the house after bedtime hours and disrupt the household. This she left on my cellphone's voicemail.
She insisted that I drop the bag with the animals on the stoop of the house without ringing the doorbell, knocking or otherwise seeking entrance, but just to leave the items quietly and to go away, like some criminal or something.
When I got home I found she had left another voicemail on the answering system. She said that S7 had a horrible day at track-out camp, all because I neglected to pack him a pair of his swim trunks and a towel. S7 was the only one who was left out of the Y's "Beach Day" activities because of me.
On the weekend prior to this event I had already inquired with S7 about whether we needed to recover the swimtrunks from the house, since W had herself neglected to return the only pair I had bought for him. S7 had said no -- he insisted that he had already told me previously that there would be no more swimming during this track-out session because the Y was readying the pool for the summer season. So I did not bother to return to the house to get the trunks.
I replied to W in an email about these accusations. I explained to her that she was jumping to conclusions about what she perceived to be my thoughts and motivations concerning these circumstances, how she was assuming the worst with no foundation. To my surprise she apologized somewhat, but that didn't keep her from continuing to attack me, later saying it is all my fault she perceives me so negatively.
When she ended up reversing her pseudo-apology and began to take another tact at painting me as a bad father, I told her she was being rude and was completely out of line.
Prior to all this I had gone to a craft store with my two S's to gather the materials to make their own Mother's Day cards for W. We spent Tuesday evening cutting paper, drawing pictures, glueing scrapbook pieces and placing stickers on hand-made greeting cards from each of my two boys.They did a wonderful job, even S3 (although he had far too much fun using his new safety scissors to turn a piece of colored cardstock into confetti.)
I dropped these cards off along with the bedtime animals.
Jump forward to Saturday night, I decided to call W to see if she might be interested in dinner after the 11 AM church service with me and our S's, my treat, to celebrate Mother's Day. I fully expected W to decline, but thought maybe she might see this as intended, as a demonstration of good will before our children. Unfortunately, not only did she decline but W shouted her answer, "NO!" Surprised at her vehemence, I asked her to clarify. Again she said, "NOOO!" She then said that she fully intended to enjoy her time with our S's on Mother's Day, but that spending any time with me was not enjoyable.
I said fine, and that I at least made the offer.
Yes, it did hurt. There as no need for her to be so nasty. She could have had the grace and courtesy to decline politely, which is what any civil, rational human being would have done. But I am not dealing with a civil or rational person here.
Well, if her ulterior motive is to get me to hate her, she is doing an extremely good job. However, I refuse to allow the bitterness she instills to get the better of me. I refuse to hate her -- I will and do hate her actions with an unabiding passion, but as a follower of Jesus Christ, I refuse to hate the person. I still love her on a basic level, agape love.
But the love of her as a spouse and soul-partner is just about gone. I seriously doubt she'll ever give us a chance to rebuild that. Her loss.
I will channel my anger, not into bitterness, but into (1) sorrow for the death of this M, (2) the drive to GAL and improve my life, and (3, most of all) the determination to do what is best for me and for my S's. I am praying to the Lord constantly to keep the root of bitterness from my heart.
Today I see my attorney to discuss this sham of a Separation Agreement (SA) that W and the (her) mediator are drafting -- and to plan a line of argument to question why I am not due at least 50% custody of my children. I have been fighting a losing battle against W and the mediator on this, they just don't hear me. I absolutely will not tolerate being dismissed out of hand without proper justification of their stance. I really hoped we would not be dragged into this costly battle, but this is where W is taking us.
