Take back your bed, don't budge on the issue, and expose her affair to her family. You're swingingly wildly from aggressive anger to passive doormat and needy/grabby/pursuing behavior, and that's the LAST thing that's going to work.
If you want to save your marriage, you have GOT to learn to lovingly detach and walk the middle ground.
If you do NOT want to save your marriage, you have STILL got to learn how to do these things, or else you'll find yourself having a series of failed relationships.
You also need to do this just for your own self-esteem.
