He left me because I was mean... why were you mean? What have you learnt about your behaviour and how are you different now? Like I said, I was mean like that because I didn't feel loved and I hurt. I can see now, treating him like that didn't help the sitch and only made things worse. I had shown love to feel loved, things would be different.
Also..why are you goading people into having a go at you? Not that they are "having a go" but, why are you almost begging them to be firm or exasperated, or lecture you, or whatver? I find it a bit odd when you implore someone... Not have people goading Ali, I seriously don't think you should have to keep something in if you want to so badly say something. Jeanette expressed how her fingers were itching to type so badly, so I told her to go ahead and say what she had to say. I don't think that's a bad thing.
So go ahead Jeanette. Why let something fester. If I bug you then just say it. I know you mean well (or at least that's how I'll take it).... thats quite odd Dar. I wouldnt want to encourage someone to tell me that I bug them. Do you think maybe you have low self-esteem or something? Or expect to be spoken to badly? I dont think people should 2x4 you if you are inviting them to, thats too wierd. Its like collusion. Ofcourse I have low self-esteem. I've said it here before. See above comment for the rest of this since it's the same question and answer.
I agree with the poster who said your H saying "I'll give you a call" is like a kind of offhand, general thing that people say, when in actual fact, weeks could go by and he doesnt. Its not like he meant anything by it particularly, the thing is it means FAR more to you than he intended. He ought to be more sensitive and realise you would be expecting a call then, but from everything you have said about your H here, he doesnt sound like the sensitive type.
Do you actually still love him Dar? Enjoy his company? Respect him? Becuase he has treated you incredibly badly and let you down a lot, but you seem to be immune to his faults? Just wondering! YES, I LOVE him to pieces. More than even I knew! Him leaving opened up my eyes completely on how wrong I was. I do respect him as well, why wouldn't I?? I'm not immune to his faults. I know his faults, but I don't point them out like I used to.
I'm really pleased to hear you are progressing the T.. can you call the Doctor and ask him for the recommendation, instead of waiting for him to get back to you? Better still, just pick a name that feels right and phone one of them, you can tell instantly if you think its someone you will be able to talk to/work with. I ditched one C straight away after 1 minute on the phone and the next person I got was lovely and a huge help.
Dar, I personally find some of your comments to be outrageous, almost to the point of shock value.
Piercing your private parts, discussing a "split" penis, your Cancer, the kid at school who harrassed your Daughter, your insane co-workers, the list goes on and on.
I no longer know what is the truth and what is just a desire for attention.
And I will go one step further, if this is the kind of crap you pulled on your Husband, it answers many questions.
BND, I took offense to this comment of yours. NONE, ABSOLUTELY NONE, of what I have said on my threads are lies at ALL. If you knew me personally, you would know that I despise liars. All of the this has been honest and I come here to talk. Getting a piercing is pretty much the same as talking about getting a boob job and a brazilian and you have both of those topics on your threads. It was a question wondering if anyone has done it. I didn't think it was a big deal. The splitting came up because of the OUCH factor of the piercing and I got an email on it. Why would I lie??? What sense would that make? Wow, I'm shaking my head in amazement that I've been very open here and now it's suggested I'm a liar or feening for attention. And to throw H in the mix. Our marriage had many sh*tty things happen in it, starting with our babies dying 9 days after getting married. H AND MYSELF have both dealt with alot in our marriage and the black cloud that seems to follow. I'm asked to not focus on my sitch but then asked to only talk about certain things. Okay. Got it. Be half the person I am. Check. (I'm being sarcastic as I would never be half of myself for anyone).
Are those the only replies you have to what was written to you after you left work yesterday?
You are not "asked to not talk about" anything BUT that which borders on obsessive. You are not asked to NOT talk about anything except that which keeps you stuck in a rut. You ARE asked to talk about the one damn thing you actually have control over and that is DAR.
I personally don't care about the piercing talk, etc and with the way we all cut up on here at times, I was a bit surprised that it was mentioned in the frame that it was. Jesus Christ - I talk about vibrators! My point though, Dar - BND's opinion didn't warrant a paragraph long reply. None of us agree on everything all the time. Who gives a crap?! I love BND but I don't mimic her nor does she mimic me - how boring would that be? I think her main point was that you mention those things in lieu of doing the work that you are continually being advised to do. Once you do (or are at least in therapy, you can reward yourself with a piercing if you so desire and we'll love to hear about it! Hell I rewarded MYself with a vibrator (okay, so three of them so far but that's not my point )
Yep, I get what you're saying. I replied to BND in a paragraph long response though because she insinuated (?) I was lying about all I've said on these threads and I have done no such thing. It doesn't matter though. I get it. I'll talk about Dar.
I answered what I could from just getting into work and catching up on what was said to me while I was gone.
1.) arts/crafts w/D 2.) biking and walking outside with D 3.) out with another mom and D on Fridays along with my D 4.) reading other than self-help 5.) a little gardening 6.) movies about once a month 7.) that's about all I can think of at the moment.
You say you know why you treated your husband poorly.
Have you fixed it? Are you working in some tangible way to fix it?
I see so many people on this board set themselves up for disappointment with unrealistic expectations.
How many of these MLC stories resolve quickly? I can't think of any. Most take a couple years minimum.
Think about what life is like for most of those people between bomb and return. Read some of those threads. It's absolute garbage and spew that some have had to fend off during those years.
Have you read the resources? Do you remember reading about the pursuit dance? How so many of these MLC'ers want to maintain your interest, so they draw close, then pull way back when you respond favorably.
I'm not trying to point out that your husband is doing this. I'm saying that this whole time is filled with ups and downs, highs and lows, good and bad. Just when things seem to be improving, the bottom appears to fall out again.
Attaching YOUR mindset to THEIR behavior is a prescription for daily misery.
So why do it?
One of the perks (and there aren't many) of a spouse in MLC is that you can pretty much leave them completely alone and not hurt in any way the chances that they get straight and come home one day.
So..
Your choices...
Stay plugged in like an IV to your husbands crap and suffer through constant doubt and worry.
Or disconnect. Live your own life. Square yourself away finally, fix some of those things that made you a bitch to live with.
And see what happens.
As Master Yoda says...
"Do or do not. There is no try."
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
)