My two cents worth/2X4: You keep saying that he does things that a husband wouldn't do. Well, I've got news for you: HE AIN'T YOUR HUSBAND RIGHT NOW!!!! And if you keep it up, he never will be.
Get off your @$$ and do something. Call a therapist. Make an appointment. Today. Go today. Quit making excuses.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.