Mishka - you mother is totally impossible, and as you know, emotionally blackmailing you. There are some very good voluntary agencies in most countries, staffed by people who will help. Since the US has one of the highest colunteering populations in the world, I find it difficult to believe that there is no help. You just have to tell your mother, or get someone else to, that you can no longer do all of this alone.
Mishka, no loving mother places her child in this situation. I am sorry to be blunt, but her behaviour is exploitative and selfish. She may manipulatefamily [which may be a clue as to why no-one 'helps' but she will not be able to manipulate outsiders in the same way.
What did your therapist say about your mother.
You feel unlovable because your h actually emotionally kicked you in the teeth, and you mother instead of loving and supporting you contiues to make demands. Dialysis isn't fun, I know that, but it does't make you behave in a selfish and unreasonable manner.
I am NOT criticising you Mishka, but only you can work through this. If you h does work through his crisis and come home he might like it if you had changed enough to face down this mother of yours. I am a mother with grown up kids, and I can tell you that if they looked after me the way you do I would be sobbingly grateful and make every effort to lighten their burden. I would go into respite care regularly, accept the care of strangers, and do what I could to help with your son. Raise your expectations of her. Read some books to change the relationship dynamics. Your mohter has no RIGHT to all to behave that way, and this behaviour has to change. Only you can start the process. She isn't stupid, just manipulative and selfish
Sorry to be brutal, but whatever happens to your marriage this r needs sorting.
