dbs, sounds like your wife & me have a lot in common. I told H 11 months ago, I was done. I'm still extremely angry. I have a really hard time remembering anything good. I don't know how long it takes to get over that. It took 16 years for me to get this mad. How long should it take to get over it ? I tried talking to him so many times, so many different ways. Towards the end, I felt like I was talking to a rock. No emotion, no response, no feelings, nothing. I gave up.
Maybe we have some pre-determined time table in our mind. Maybe we need to see our H's try at least half as hard as we did. I don't know, I'm just letting my thoughts flow.
If my friends suggest I should try harder, or be nicer, I get mad at them. They didn't walk in my shoes all those years. They don't know how hard I tried all those years. They don't know how badly I hurt for so long. How ignored I felt. Why should I "work" on it now. I tried working on it all those years. Now that he's scared, & I finally have his attention, I should re-invest my efforts ? I need some time to see sustained change on his part.
I don't want to be angry. I don't want to be bitter. I want a great loving caring nurturing marriage. I wish I knew how to make it happen. I really do.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
