For the guy with kids and WW II

[hopeful4her]

Ugghh! What? Ummnn! Where am I? Who am I? I feel like I've been beat about the head and neck with a.......

Sandi,

Thank you. I know it is hard to read my posts.

So, do you think I'm pursuing? Tell me the truth.



I will try to respond as best I can. Not trying to justify.

What you have been reading here is only about 50% of what I was trying to do as of a couple months ago. I mean I was bad. Led to the first real D talk. Smothering. She was getting it from both sides. What I'm doing now is what I thought was detaching. I know I'm not. As I said in my posts, my M seemed hopeless, so in my mind, I figured that I would kill her with kindness and acts of love.

It has only been the past couple of weeks that WW has been calling me when she gets off work to tell me she is out and her talking to me more. Again, as of a couple of months ago, I was texting her everyday, emailing, something. I stopped everything. The only real contact is when she is getting out of work. These calls have been getting progressivly longer in duration. She has been initiating the conversation, so I take it in and engage with her. Mostly just stuff about our days at work.

In the past 2 months, I have asked her to lunch once. Got turned down, but that was the Friday that I saw them together. Duh.

When we are together at home, I do not let her see the sad or whiny, distracted man. I am upbeat, positive and confident. I will not let her see that other me anymore.

OM is the complete opposite of what I am. I have been trying to work on those things.

As far as the ring, its just the romantic in me. I know this.

The hug when they went out of town, I shouldn't have. What you said is exactly what went through my mind. I asked for comment on giving hugs goodbye again in the mornings and I believe I have my answer. No.

On the Mothers Day card, I took the cue from Puppy and did not give it to her. I only put the card from the kids out. The cross was a gift from the kids. Of course they did not know, but that is our norm. I get the gift for them. The flowers were from me, but I did not say they were.

I did send a text that said: Happy Mothers Day. You are appreciated. We are all lucky to have you in our lives.

She responded with: thank you you made my day.

I hadn't thought of it as ass kissing, but looking from the outside, I see it.

Detaching and GALing. I have to do it. The hardest to do. I realize if I don't, the odds are stacking up against me. I have to realize that I still have hope for us, and accordingly, do things that would put things a little more in my favor.

The thing with "B". I know I need to stay away. Another thing that is surprisingly hard.

A story.

"B" had called me at the beginning of April to invite me to a get together for her B-day on a Friday. I told WW that I was going out. Gave no indication of where or with who. It was with a bunch of former co-workers, and 4 of us ended going to a country western dance hall (B, 2 other women and myself). I had a blast. B and I did hold hands coming off the dance floor at one point, but I may read a little more into it than she. I don't know. Haven't done that in years. Danced most of the night with B and another of the girls. Got home about 2:45. Next day, WW decides she is going out. Gets all dressed up and makes it sound like she just needs to get out from being with the kids all day. Asks if we need anything from the grocery store.

Intel from this Saturday (friends in low places) shown she rented a hotel that night. I don't consider it snooping, it is intel. Snooping to me is knowing that they are talking to each other or emailing and wanting to see or hear the details. I am gathering info.

Looking back, I believe my actions pushed her to do this. I also believe that she felt like B might have been involved and did this to get back at me. I think this was the first physical sexual contact with OM. Now, we are going on close to two years of marital problems. WW has been in contact with OM for about a year now. B only came into my picture about 4 or 5 months ago. We maybe have seen each other, including a lunch, about 4 times. Calls me maybe every couple of weeks. We were co-workers from a few years ago.

Not trying to justify. I do need to get her out of the picture. Only will make matters for me harder. It has been innocent, but there are thoughts in the back of my mind. I can be strong.

Again, thank you Sandi. Please keep me in mind and post to me anytime. Please.

I have to not think that detaching is the same as ignoring or being mean.

You are a Godsend to some of us here.