My H was classic MLC man, but he never looked back and I am afraid those who leave after 30/40 years together rarely ever do. Those who had troubled marriages before MLC hits seem to have more return but often(not always) to more troubled years before leaving again. Maybe had I known about DB way back in the beginning things might have been different but hindsight is wonderful.
I was under the impression that those with the "longer" Marriages do tend to work out, even those whose Marriages that weren't so perfect prior to MLC.
Then there are many who believe their Spouse to be in MLC but they are not, they are simply WAS's.
Perhaps it has alot to do with what they are coming back to they want things to be different, they want to see changes in their LBS.
I don't have any real answers, I am only speculating.....
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Oh, well, my h is having a long MLC. My kids are great, and are coming to terms with what has happened, and I am getting on with my life. If he comes out of it, that will be fantastic, and if he doesn't, well, that will be hard! that is about all one can say while going through it!
Angelica, yes I am saying troubled marriages seem to have better chances initially, from the many posts I have observed, and the more so in marriages that are not that old/long.The leaving and returning seems to be a way of dealing with their problems. In long term m, if a partner leaves it is not spur of the moment it may be a shock to the spouse left behind but I remember being told when I asked how can they just leave-the answer is they left in their minds long before they physically left so they had already done their grieving over the break up of their m and are much better prepared to walk into the new life.
Yes my m was v happy for prob 28years, but I confess to it growing apart when we became empty nesters, he also was taken over (company) and offered a sideways promotion. Was headhunted and worked away from home in week for 6mths (when I had always moved with him-first clue looking back) and the rest is history as they say.I did all the wrong things, kids shocked and broken hearted(as where all our friends family neigbours colleagues etc) He once said he would come back and I said only IF he wanted to loved me and not for guilt etc.
He became a g,dad last year and the first person I called was him he then contacted me to ak if his d would let him contact her(in the yrs since he left they have all moved etc so he had no contact details) eventually she said yes so he visited fo 2 hrs earlier this yr and saw his g,son. He said he would be in the country again in a few months and could he bring his mother she said yes(we lost our extended family in break up as well) so far no word. He has not seen his youngest son in over 8 yrs(son refused to see him in the early days altho his dad never tried really-now he doesn,t know anything about their lives or addresses. He saw my oldest once and ph&email contact couple of yrs ago over my maintenance payments-nothing since. They knew the OW as I did and because of that they cannot forgive him. He knows that and even admitted to d he wasn't proud of how he behaved and was sorry it had been so long but he feared they would continue to reject him! but he was happy. He never told them or me he had rem-we heard via gossip. Wow that was long and long time since I posted it all. Yes it is v sad, but we survived. Sad because as anyone would tell you he was a family man and adored his kids. We grew up together and I adored him, it nearly cost me my life but my kids have been my salvation-we are v close and now I have a beautiful grandson I love to bits. I forgave my H long time ago but we have spoken a handful of times as my kids do not let me contact him about them but I broke that rule over our firstborn childs first child.
Sorry Yellowrose for long hi jack. I don't wish to discourage anyone there is always hope-I still have some. I do think that my xH was/is too proud to return. He has never even returned to our village even tho his new wifes family live there,as did he for over 20yrs. She returns for visits and her d even got m last year my x attended the wedding in a near by church but never once in the 2 weeks his wife was staying did he step foot in the place-I found that v odd.
No problem with the threadjack. I am glad you still have hope. That is nice to know. I know that some of them think they have done to much damage to return. My h used to tell me that he couldn't come home because of all the hurt and pain he caused. Like I have said many times before, the C really helped him to sort through his problems and I think that helped him to make his way home.
