naej you didn't miss that series of posts. You might just not have been reading Dar's threads yet. It was months ago that we got her to that tiny breakthrough. I had to make her explode before we got the truth out of her about how she treated her husband prior to him leaving. It's been ever since then that we've encouraged her to work on herself - get to the roots of these problems she has that HE has nothing to do with - you know, the same grueling, sucky work the rest of us have done and lived to tell her about over and over and over again?!
Dar - for whatever it's worth to you I respectfully disagree with Jeanette that your H isn't MLC. I think he definitely has some of the earmarks of it. HOWEVER, that is NEITHER HERE NOR THERE. It doesn't change the things YOU should be doing for yourself that in effect just might save your damn marriage if you'd quit being a chicken sh*t so hellbent to deflect the blame onto your husband.
Get into therapy and stop it with the excuses for the delays.
Dar is the only problem that is within Dar's hands to fix.
Your husband's treatment of you is not okay but under the circumstances stay the flip off your high horse about it - you rode his ass and now he's entitled to at least a certain degree of residual disrespect, especially in light of the fact you show so little for yourself anyway. THAT is how you earn respect dar. You SHOW it. For yourself and for others. And ass-kissing ain't respect. Learn it, remember it, live by it.
If you want to change your life, get off your ass and quit talking about it - DO IT. You are the only one who can. If your husband came home tomorrow - you'd quit. And you'd be right the hell back here one day - I guarantee it. So do the work. Look into yourself and deal with your reality that is separate from your husband and separate from your marital issues. I promise you, if you do it, you will be better ALL THE WAY AROUND because of it.
But if you don't do it, if you continue to deny, deflect, procrastinate, defend and justify you are going to grow into a lonely, bitter, unhealthy old woman who will be lucky if even her daughter comes to visit her. Do you know how I know that? Because you remind me so much of my mother it ain't even funny. Yeah I finally figured out why I still post to you. It's because I don't want you to end up like that. I have seen your spirit and it would be a shame to let that happen. But it will happen. And you come closer to that sad reality with each week that passes with you straddling the fence between blaming someone else and accountability to yourself for your own behaviors.
The time to change is now.
Find a therapist and make an appointment this week.
Go back every friggin week and don't talk about your husband.
