Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Wonderful news about your surprise party! That is wonderful! I bet your having fun looking at all the baby stuff you got!
On the tour. totally agree to NOT change the date. It's been set for a long time, he'll have to deal with the consequence. If the sitch were diff right now, I'd say maybe consider changing, but people have always tried to fix his screwups and he needs to deal with them himself. For some reason, I see you covering for him, or taking care of his mistakes in the past. I did it too, and so do a lot of us women. Hand that responsibility over to them to deal with.
And, IMHO, do NOT talk about how this makes you feel. I think on seldom occassion it is good for you to share your feelings, but I really don't think this is the time. Right now, to him, he is not with you, and IMHO he is not obligated to go to any of these things with you. I know that sounds aweful, and he SHOULD be there, he SHOULD be with you not her, but at the present time he's not. You've still got to let him go. He'll never have the chance to come back if you don't. Just act as if you've got someone else to go with you or that your excited to go and don't act like him not being there is any of your concern.
I'm still amazed that he even wants to go. I went with my 6 year when P to s3. and I'm was M to my husband. I think if we got P now though, that he might go. He really has changed, and I need to focus on that, and stop talking about the bad he did in the past. It makes me sad. and it makes me sad for everyone here when I think back to times like those.
Think positive, think about how close you are to seeing your beautiful girl. You guys will have a wonderful bond, especially since your breastfeeding. Only breastfeeding moms can really understand that.
on your hospital tour, that's what it is right? make sure you ask them if they take the baby out of the room or not. They didn't tell me, and I wanted my baby with me the WHOLE time, and they took him away over and over and over and wouldn't let me keep him. said that was their policy and the doctors had to check them in another room. I was livid. It ruined my whole experience there. So be sure to ask and talk about any expectations you may have. like, will they put an iv in you and you'll be stuck to the bed, or will they let you take a more natural approach to birthing, or will they give shots to the baby, or sugar water... um....that's all I can think of now.
fyi- on the shots...please research this. If you do plan to give shots, waiting much later is so much better, and limiting the number of shots given at one time as well, and never giving shots when a baby is sick at all.
there's my mommy talk for the day.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
"It's on the 18th from 2-4pm. If you can't go, then I will just go it alone." And, act as if it's no big deal?"
Yes.
""I'll take a look at the schedule and see if there are any other classes we might switch to and let you know when I get home." I didn't call him when I got home, nor did I call him today."
Very Good.
"Do I express that it makes me upset."
No.. just you making the decision to go without him should be enough for him to understand.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Thank you all for the advice. I was thinking that was what I was going to do, but wanted to run it by you all first. I guess it just pisses me off that he thinks this "other committment" is more important. But, it is his decision. He hasn't asked me about it again. Tomorrow I see him at our Childbirth class and I'm just going to say that I am not changing the date. It's on Sunday from 2-4 and if he can make it great. If not, then I'll just handle it on my own. I guess the reason it makes irks me not to show him I'm upset about this is that I hate that I feel like I'm basically saying to him "do whatever you want to do, I'll just take care of it". That's what I've been doing our entire R. Compensating for his shortcomings. But, really what choice do I have? So, now it's in his lap. He gets to be responsible for NOT going.
Well, Saturday night he called and I answered. He was being playful and teasing me about stuff. It was actually a nice conversation. Here is one observations though. Both Friday and Saturday when I spoke with him, I initiated the end of the conversation. Saturday I said, "okay, I'm going now to put my baby shower gifts away". He wouldn't let me get off the phone he kept asking me questions about stuff as though he was trying to initiate conversation. Then, out of the blue, he says, "okay, I gotta go". WTH? It made me mad that he got to end the conversation. I know, it's petty. But, he did the same thing on Friday night, too. Sunday, Mother's Day, was really nice. I met my in-laws and my H for breakfast. We had a really nice breakfast together. It made me really sad because we were all a Happy family, for that time. It felt so normal and comfortable. But, afterward, H goes back to OW. It's just not right. H brought me a card and a little stuffed toy for the baby. It was really sweet. After breakfast H and I walked out first and the rest of the family lingered. I thanked him for the card and gave him a hug (I initiated it), he initiated a little kiss and said you're welcome. He asked me if I was leaving right now and I said "no" I just wanted to thank him for thinking of me. His family came out of the restaurant and we talked for a little bit. Everyone was getting in their cars and H walked over to me said goodbye, hugged me and gave me another kiss, right in front of the family. This totally threw me because he did it in front of his family. Not that I think it is anything significant. It just felt nice.
Today, I'm a little down. 1) It's gloomy outside and damp 2) I didn't get enough sleep last night and 3) I'm going over and over in my head the custody stuff and child support and how much I hate that he has put our family in this position. It's getting more and more real and closer and closer and I miss my H. I miss our family and I miss being loved by him. I do.
Last edited by blindsided1; 05/12/0803:51 PM.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
Your doing really well B. Just keep trying to let all that anger go. I know it's not fair, but just remember the goal. I still feel you have lots of hope for saving your M.
On your H's phone calls, He's just trying to be in control. He doesn't like you having this other life now and you not giving him all the attention. Perhaps he even hangs up real fast cause he's afraid OW will find out. wouldn't that be ironic.
On him kissing you in front of the family. hmmmmm. I'm not sure about that one. I'm stumped. I would just take it at face value, that he still has some type of feelings for you, whether it be attraction/caring/etc.
On the tour, I would not bring it up to him, let him do that, and YOU just act like your excited about it, and him not going isn't going to let you down one bit. And you going alone is not compensating for his shortcomings. Your taking care of yourself and being responsible for yourself and your baby, not for him. Paying for his debts, or calling his work because he's hungover and won't go in, sending a card for his mother because he forgot... those are things your compensating for. But Your not, you've been really good about not being his "mother".
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
ST - I'm working on letting the anger go and also getting my feelings on an even keel when it comes to H. There are moments when I feel really strong and I know that I can do this without him. But, there are also times when I still can't believe that he would choose OW over his wife and daughter. I need to get my head on straight. Today is kinda hard, though. Not sure why, it just is.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
ya, those days can always happen. It's just another day. a new day comes tomorrow. For the most part, you sound good and that's really important.
When you have those hard days, just try to relax or something, or do something for yourself, and don't answer any calls or texts. only talk to your most positive friends.
((b))
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
"He's just trying to be in control. He doesn't like you having this other life now and you not giving him all the attention."
"But, there are also times when I still can't believe that he would choose OW over his wife and daughter. I need to get my head on straight. Today is kinda hard, though. Not sure why, it just is."
The kiss.. was an effort in control also. I understand why it happened. I am on the fence with what to say about it. Best I can come up with is be careful with that. Allowing him to do it.. gives him a little bit of control in that situation. It confirms you are still waiting on him. I know this from my Playboy days. Its just a little hook on you. It gets you thinking. Temper your thought with he is the one that did the run by slapping. I know you want to have your husband back. I don't want to see you build a wall either. Let him come to you when it is genuine and has a purpose other than making you think.
I dropped in the two quotes at the top because they relate to each other. This silly little game he is playing.. and it is a game.. is him trying to see what he can get away with. Use what you know.. control the flow.. when you want to get off the phone.. do it. You touch him.. only let him touch you when you want it. Play hard to get.. I know you can do it. If there is no chase.. he will loose interest.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
blindsided, I haven't been around much....things are so busy for me. I'm exhausted and need to go to bed...but I'll catch up over the next couple days. But know that I'm thinking about you...a lot actually! From the sounds of things you're doing well. J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
