Another new topic! already? Here we go

[Aud31]

Yeah, a lot of what you say mirrors what I'm thinking and feeling...when I let myself go there. I'd be happy to discuss feelings with you.

You say your H won't share, open up, and especially not discuss the tough topics.

I don't know what really goes on in his head. He usually cops out and says 'nothing' when I ask, (I need to say here that I have a grasp of the concept of the male ability to actually be able to think about nothing) but he has to have some feelings about what we've been through and where we're going. Beyond that, I've taken his positive actions as declarations of his feelings for me and his desire to keep things together.

what has your H failed to do from your list?

-H has cut his traveling by 90%. He has invited me to come along on some trips, but has still had to do some traveling alone. He went to dinner with OW and her current significant other both times he was on his own--by his own account. I hate that, but as far as I know, he's being honest about it.
-H went to counseling with me two or three times and was obviously not willing to participate. He wants no part of it.
-H is still in occasional contact with OW via phone/email/text. Despite my several attempts to let him know I want to be in the loop, he does not volunteer information, but does answer when I ask (which I don't like to do, and don't do often)...he gives me all kinds of info at that point. It sounds friendly, something I am not comfortable with, but I don't see what I can do about it.

Writing those things makes me feel angry and disappointed that he can't/won't follow through on what to me are simple and certainly reasonable requests. And fearful that I'm a fool for allowing the possibility that he's still cheating on me. However, I decided a long time ago that there are more important things than my pride (as long as I recognize my own value and refuse to be abused) and I know my perspective is just that: MY perspective. He's home most of the time, connects with me in many ways that were absent for a long time during his A's. Truthfully, we never had the deep connection I am looking for before all the turmoil. It was always just an easy companionship.

Can you picture the worst thing that could happen, face it, and keep standing?

I think that I've been through most of the worst things I could imagine as far as H and I go. And yes, I can face it and keep standing. So far so good.

Are you needy?

Yes and no. Aren't we all in some ways? I don't think having needs makes us needy--it's more about how we approach them. I see it like a teeter-totter: On one side there's self-care and responsibility, on the other there's whining and feelings of entitlement. And our level of neediness depends on where we're standing on the board between the two ends. Make sense? Enough about me.

When I try to express how I feel to my W, how I want passion, I want to be wanted, chosen, desired, understood: she hears it as I want more sex. I can't seem to get my point across. I come across, to her, as needy and spoiled.

I get your feelings here...I feel the same way often too. Any ideas what it is about your approach that encourages her to see you as needy and spoiled?

To me, it feels like rejection. I'm not good enough, or I'm defective in some way to even want what I want. It's hard to feel that way.

It IS hard to feel that way. It's fear. And you said yourself that you made it through, that you like who you are. So, why do you still feel this? Or, why do you still allow yourself to feel like this? Just curious. (I have similar feelings from time to time, but I find them to be non-productive, so I try to accept them for what they are and just let them drop.)

things continue to be pretty darn good. It's hard being physically separated as we are, but we talk, we connect (just not as often or as deeply as I'd like). I have a lot of hope.

I could have written this myself. Hope you have a nice day.