Maybe Last Thread in Separating, Found DB 2 Late

[cw68]

This is the email I sent. Thanks to all of you who have posted and helped me.

"D6 wasn’t angry this morning, she just told me that she had nothing to say to you. Beyond this, I am not going to tell you how your kids are doing. You’re going to have to step up and find out yourself.

I’m very sorry that this has happened and that our relationship just doesn’t “work” for you. I know there are a zillion things that I did wrong and I tried to address them the best I could, but it’s not possible to fix the ones that I can’t see. Keeping me in the dark about our relationship problems was a sure way to failure.

The last five months I have tried to look long and hard at myself and see things I wanted to change, without input from you. So I did what I could, tried to use our separation as a time for growth and reflection, working my ass off on self-improvement and self-honesty, trying to improve me and my end of our relationship. I realized all I had taken for granted and all that was truly important to me. I’m sure there are things that I still need to work on. That’s positive, but it takes two to make a relationship. Relationships, and ourselves, take effort. Neither one of us seemed to put much into our relationship before and they take much more effort to fix once they’re off track. I was willing to put that effort in once I saw the damage, but it’s apparent that for whatever reason, you were not. I feel I tried my damnedest to put in 110% into fixing our relationship and got 50% from you at best. We deserved more. Our kids deserved more. I don’t believe this is a matter of CAN’T. It was a matter of WON’T.

I know you wouldn’t do marriage counseling or Retrouvaille and I think that’s because you are not willing to face who you are and how you act, the specific things you done to sabotage our relationship. To be told the things you’d have to change. You probably know you’d be told that you are not fair, are uncaring and selfish. You know you’d have to change. Hell, I know that I’d get plenty myself, but to save my marriage, my family and myself, I am willing to look in the mirror and take whatever measures necessary. You have closed yourself off to not only me, but your children and yourself. Now your wife and children have to pay the price.

In ways I thank you for doing what you did yesterday. Seeing just how you can hurt me and the kids definitely puts things in a different perspective. I gave you nice, thoughtful birthday because I thought you deserved a nice, enjoyable day regardless of our relationship and this is the Mother’s Day I get? Is this the Mother’s Day I deserved? It’s definitely made me think. I am going to spend the next year being the best mother my kids could possibly have and all I want in return is a day filled with love. It’s not too much to ask and I am going to get it.

You were a jerk yesterday. Maybe you’ll be a jerk forever, but you might not. Maybe you’ve boxed yourself into a corner. Who knows. All I know is I am done trying to make our relationship better until you are willing to look at yourself, at us and actually take action. While our family definitely deserves more than this, I can only hold up my end of the bargain. Can you? It’s possible, but I don’t know how probable that is.

I am calling a lawyer today. I will not file divorce papers because I don’t believe divorce is the solution to our problems. Instead of being a solution, I feel quite strongly that it will only breed more unhappiness, discomfort and damage to us and our children and it will be never ending. However, I feel the need to make sure I get some ducks in a row.

The next moves are all yours. I will not stop you from divorcing me, I will not stand in your way. But everything from here on out is all you. You know my position. It’s time to decide what kind of life you want to live and how to live it.

With my love forever,
CW68"