After 3 long years, H is home - II

[MichelleLT]

It's interesting to me that I can control my reactions with family, friends, my children, even strangers.....but not with my H. His actions/reactions always seem to have a negative effect on me.

I have a much harder time detaching from my H than anyone else. His thoughts/feelings/word have a much greater impact on me, and vice versa. I'm sure this is also why your H reacts so strongly to your words and emotions - he is not detached either.

It has been this way for far too long because I always let him guilt me into feeling like I was the only one who was ever wrong. Sorry, but I'm not going to let it happen all the time like it has.

You biting your tongue does NOT mean you are wrong. And you certainly are right about a lot of things. As long as you know that, I don't see that trying to see things from his point of view and validate undermines the truth to your point of view at all.

Call it childish if you like, but maybe a little taste of his own medicine will do him some good.

It's worth a try. But if it doesn't get the reaction you are looking for, you do need to try something else.

It IS the both of us, and I KNOW that. I HONESTLY DO. However, he needs to know it, too.

Is it better to be right or to be happy? I'm not sure he does need to realize that on a conscious level for things to really improve so long as you can find some way of getting him to react in a more pleasant and supportive manner.

It seems to me there are more creative and probably less angry ways to encourage him to spend more time at home and with his family.

The chocolates were a nice gift, I'm not sure why you fought him over it, that seems like one thing you should have definitely just said "thank you" for. He was just trying to be nice at that point, and whether he bought the gift then or before it doesn't change the fact that he did it.

I do understand why you are so stressed out and angry. He is being an a$$hole.

All I can say right now though is give it time. You haven't lived with him in years, it's going to be a rough adjustment. And you may have to lead the way on smoothing things out - and no, it's not fair. But that may be what needs to happen to make it work.

(((((((GF))))))))