Pregnant and heading for acceptance #2

[blindsided1]

Thank you all for the advice. I was thinking that was what I was going to do, but wanted to run it by you all first. I guess it just pisses me off that he thinks this "other committment" is more important. But, it is his decision. He hasn't asked me about it again. Tomorrow I see him at our Childbirth class and I'm just going to say that I am not changing the date. It's on Sunday from 2-4 and if he can make it great. If not, then I'll just handle it on my own. I guess the reason it makes irks me not to show him I'm upset about this is that I hate that I feel like I'm basically saying to him "do whatever you want to do, I'll just take care of it". That's what I've been doing our entire R. Compensating for his shortcomings. But, really what choice do I have? So, now it's in his lap. He gets to be responsible for NOT going.

Well, Saturday night he called and I answered. He was being playful and teasing me about stuff. It was actually a nice conversation. Here is one observations though. Both Friday and Saturday when I spoke with him, I initiated the end of the conversation. Saturday I said, "okay, I'm going now to put my baby shower gifts away". He wouldn't let me get off the phone he kept asking me questions about stuff as though he was trying to initiate conversation. Then, out of the blue, he says, "okay, I gotta go". WTH? It made me mad that he got to end the conversation. I know, it's petty. But, he did the same thing on Friday night, too. Sunday, Mother's Day, was really nice. I met my in-laws and my H for breakfast. We had a really nice breakfast together. It made me really sad because we were all a Happy family, for that time. It felt so normal and comfortable. But, afterward, H goes back to OW. It's just not right. H brought me a card and a little stuffed toy for the baby. It was really sweet. After breakfast H and I walked out first and the rest of the family lingered. I thanked him for the card and gave him a hug (I initiated it), he initiated a little kiss and said you're welcome. He asked me if I was leaving right now and I said "no" I just wanted to thank him for thinking of me. His family came out of the restaurant and we talked for a little bit. Everyone was getting in their cars and H walked over to me said goodbye, hugged me and gave me another kiss, right in front of the family. This totally threw me because he did it in front of his family. Not that I think it is anything significant. It just felt nice.

Today, I'm a little down. 1) It's gloomy outside and damp 2) I didn't get enough sleep last night and 3) I'm going over and over in my head the custody stuff and child support and how much I hate that he has put our family in this position. It's getting more and more real and closer and closer and I miss my H. I miss our family and I miss being loved by him. I do.