Will it make it easier on you

[jon2911]

Yes, definitely twilight zone time. Maybe because you're giving him space he thinks you don't want to date? Depressed people are so crazy. Hope your night went well!

[MichelleLT]

I think there was definitely a bit of me not putting myself out there too much because I'm unsure of his reaction and him wanting me to show him I'm still interested.

At any rate, we drank the bottle of champagne and I slept there because, well, I'd had half a bottle of champagne lol. He didn't even try and shove me out, he assumed I would stay, which was a nice change. I probably would have been fine to drive by the time it actually came time to decide, but I couldn't pass up the chance to cuddle lol.

I tried to talk to him about what he wants, what he expects, I got a lot of "I'm not sure" and "I don't know". His answers show he is definitely still very confused. He misses what we had, but is still not sure that we can get back to that instead of how things were the last couple years.

[AliSuddenly]

Wow Michelle, sounds like you had a really fruitful evening! And you stayed over, lucky you! Are you pleased with how it went? You didnt elaborate much there...

So he said He misses what we had, but is still not sure that we can get back to that instead of how things were the last couple years... have you asked what he meant about how things were? There were things he wasnt happy with in your R, or did he mean, since he left and had an A, its too hard to wind the clock back? Have you suggested working through the issues at MC or Retrovaille, or is he not up for that?

Great that he felt so comfortable with you that he EXPECTED you to stay. Funny. We arent supposed to have any of those ! I'm really pleased for you that you got to spend the evening with him drinking champagne and then got to stay over! Looks like he needs more time though...?

Ali xxx

[MichelleLT]

I got the impression that he misses how things were with us the first 4 years approximately. Which really was up until he got deployed - the long distance was very hard on us, and we'd both changed by the time he got back. We definitely grew apart. He was miserable after he got home, and although I definitely wasn't the cause of all of it, I didn't help in a lot of ways. One comment he made is that he was the happiest he's ever been and also the most miserable with me. I think if he was sure he would be happy again, he'd be much less hesitant.

Underneath, I'm sure there is some guilt about the A and he doesn't know how to make it up to me. But I have been very careful to not say anything to try and rub it in, never said anything to him about catching him talking to OW the other week either.

I do want to try and do Retrovaille in July, but he might be out of state for training. I haven't brought it up yet. He does seem more comfortable talking to me about his plans for the summer though. All progress.

I gotta run to meet a friend for coffe. I will elaborate more in a bit.

[klm]

Michelle,
I totally understand growing apart due to the distance. Especailly when the distance is due to a deployment. I am glad you two had a good interaction last night. I am sure he does feel guilty and doesn't really know how to act around you yet.

Kudos to you for not saying anything about seeing him talking to OW....not sure I could have done that.

I think if he was sure he would be happy again, he'd be much less hesitant.

I think that is why this is such a long journey...it takes a long time to feel comfortable again.

[MichelleLT]

I think that is why this is such a long journey...it takes a long time to feel comfortable again.

Excellent point! Thanks Kris.

He definitely is hesitant around me, and vice versa. I think this has led to some confusion, and thus his comment about our dates being hit and miss - sometimes we are more comfortable and things go smoother, other times I think he perceives our time together as awkward.

I think I forgot to mention that when he invited me over he said he would have offered to drive to my place except he didn't know where I lived and he probably shouldn't drive. I laughed and said I'd be more than happy to give him directions, but that it wasn't a problem for me to drive over to see him.

Elaborating on the evening/morning, well, we definitely had a good morning. He seemed thoroughly happy to wake up next to me, as was I. And he can't even blame it on the champagne! Lol

[jon2911]

Nice! This is very, very good. That he's starting to recall the good memories pre-deployment is very good progress. And I think visiting your place would be a very big step.

[klm]

sometimes we are more comfortable and things go smoother, other times I think he perceives our time together as awkward.

What is the difference? Are you doing different things? In different places? Different times?

Elaborating on the evening/morning, well, we definitely had a good morning. He seemed thoroughly happy to wake up next to me, as was I. And he can't even blame it on the champagne! Lol

That is great! Isn't it just such a nice feeling??

[MichelleLT]

I'm not sure what is different. We have mostly been seeing each other at his place, mostly weekends or evenings. I think I react to him too much. Sometimes I feel like he's unsure how things will go, he's more standoffish, or just less talkative. And I let it put me off. I follow his lead and am not as touchy I think. I think I have to work on acting as if things are fine when we get together, on not letting my doubts creep in - it could be nothing more than he's had a long day, but it makes me timid and I wonder if what I say/do will be the "right" thing. I am not sure where we stand, and it shows.

Last night and this morning were very nice. Those moments are what remind me of why I'm fighting so hard.

Things were a little weird at first, with both of us wondering what was going on, but we relaxed after a couple minutes. It felt like a real date, and a real celebration.

Oh, I sent H a GL on his test today IM and he responded thanks and he's feeling good and now he's being pretty chatty. Apparently he's in a good mood today too lol.

[One Day]

YAY Michelle! Sounds like you had a great evening.

Shame we're going to have to kick you out of the lonely beavers club now!

L.xx