Another new topic! already? Here we go

[LoginName]

Hey Aud,
I've got a proposal of sorts for you. It may help both of us, since we're kind of in the same boat.

You say your H won't share, open up, and especially not discuss the tough topics.

Do you want to share you feelings with me? And I mean your feelings, not your thoughts, logical ideas, analysis, but how you feel. If you would like, I would try to share how I feel too, although it's hard to put into words (once I see them in words, I become judgemental and think I'm pretty stupid for feeling the way I do - but hey, the feelings are there and have to be dealt with, so they aren't silly).

I want to give advice, solve the problems, but I don't have the answers. I think I have to learn and understand more before I can figure it all out, or know what I can and can't figure out.

On a related, but not the same topic (really), what has your H failed to do from your list? IC is what I'm thinking. Maybe he still travels alone too. Hopefully that's it. How is he with the kids? How are the kids?

back to feelings. When I try to express how I feel to my W, how I want passion, I want to be wanted, chosen, desired, understood: she hears it as I want more sex. I can't seem to get my point across. I come across, to her, as needy and spoiled.

Well, I'm tired of saying I'm wrong, that I want to much, that I shouldn't be needy. I do have needs and wants and I'm not going to settle or be a martyr. I'm going to figure this out and make it work.

I don't know what making it work means. I think I do, but it could have more to do with me learning something about myself and changing instead of more passion in my M/R. I could mean my W and I go our separate ways.

It will take courage. I don't want to lose my W, or see my family split. It hurt worse than anything when she left. I'd rather not go through that again. But if I have to go through pain to be healthy, I'll do it. I'm afraid of her rejection, of her leaving, of her not being able to be the passionate kind of woman I desire, of me truly being a spoiled needy sexually obsessed guy. I have to push myself to face those fears and keep exploring, asking, and pushing.

I'd love to get this process done in a week, but I'm guessing it's going to take years. I'm hoping my W will stick around and go through it with me, regardless of what deep, evil things might pop up. I'm guessing she has a similar journey to go on; in parallel hopefully.

I don't know Aud, what do you think? What do you feel? What are you afraid of? Can you picture the worst thing that could happen, face it, and keep standing? If not, what will you do?

You want passion and closeness too. Are you needy? My guess is your not, but is anybody who wants something more needy?

How does it feel? To me, it feels like rejection. I'm not good enough, or I'm defective in some way to even want what I want. It's hard to feel that way. But you know, she left, for OM no less, and I'm OK. I like me. That feels good. I know I'm strong. I know I can make it, and thrive, on my own.

But I want someone with me on the journey. I'm not willing to sacrifice myself to have that someone, but I would like to have a companion.

My wife is a good person. I want her, I chose her, to be my companion. How do I make that work? How do I, or better yet, we (I'm shouldn't be doing this all on my own), merge our two independent lives?

aaaaaaagh. At one time it was easy. That was so long ago, so many years ago.

And, in closing :-D things continue to be pretty darn good. It's hard being physically separated as we are, but we talk, we connect (just not as often or as deeply as I'd like). I have a lot of hope.

Does any of this mirror what you are feeling and thinking, Aud?