Help Me Act AS IF, Part 5

[newnamenewlife]

The standard "mommy and daddy can not get along anymore and can not live together anymore.

I suppose, except H&I do get along and laugh and we don't fight, so I don't know how this will make sense.

I went to a funeral yesterday, for my friend's father, someone I have known since I was a child. Her parents got D when she was around 12. Her mom spoke and recounted how she and her former H had met and fallen in love and remained dear friends after their M ended. She was there when he died. It was encouraging to see that you can get to that place of forgiveness (though they've been D for 30 years, so who knows how long it took.)

My H is in some sort of denial. When I referred to what d11 said about sleeping with me and getting D, he said "There's nothing remarkable about me sleeping with d7 in her fort." But that's not the point!! The point is that D11 commented on it the way she did. I feel like he's waiting for some kind of permission from me to tell the kids/move out and is angry at me for trying to hold him back. But I'm not! I told him I wasn't going to stand in his way; he's the one who can't make the final break.
I think he hates himself and is transferring that onto me.
argh.

Another odd thing is that when I was leaving for the funeral, we ran into neighbors. d7 said :"Mommy looks pretty because she's going to a funeral" (She was referring to me being dressed up, which is rare for me.)
H said: "Mommy looks pretty all the time, not because she's going to a funeral."

Our neighbor said "awwww" as if that was such a sweet thing for H to say. And it was--except that it means nothing. Nothing he says or does that seems loving means he loves me "the right way" as he tells me over and over. JERK.