Yes, she likes the scale. however, after she got home, she went into the "we have credit card debt" speech. About a $30 scale. So, every silver lining has a cloud!
This seems to have had a small positive effect! Well done. Can you think why that is? Why has she responded well to this? And if you can figure that out, can you think of other ways to reach her? Sounds like you had a little joke about it too!!?
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she insisted on keeping the new one! She said she liked it. She asked if I'd gotten two, but I said that the old one seemed to work ok, so I'd use it. She said the new one got better answers!
Shame about the credit card debt thing...presumably you listened and validated etc. Do they have those 0% credit cards there? Can you transfer the balance to one of those, then you will be afford to pay it off quicker, as there will be no interest? I just got an advance on a credit card, but its 0% for a year, so an interest free loan! Or could you think of other ways to pay it off quicker? That would make you both happy, right!?
Ali x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
happy to hear new developments. Michelle is right - you are awesome.
when she did the "cr card speech" i would acknowledge her concerns re debt - " ya, it is always at the back of my mind, too" - so she would feel heard and depending on the situation i would add - "and i wanted so much to do something special for you"
me, h - 40+ m-20+ s, d, ss - 20+ s, ow, pa since 04.2007 h back and forth 01.2008 - 05.2008 h decided to be w/ow 05.13.2008 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1415899&page=1&fpart=1
I like the idea of trying to play around with the debt to keep the interest rate low / non-existent.
Ironically, I think she might have been fishing just a little bit. For reassurance both financial and personal - i.e. don't worry, we're getting it paid off & you're worth it because you are a great mother and you deserve many more presents than that.
Hope you are having a good Monday (((Jeff)))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
How long has it been since she complimented you? Figure a long time, so I don't think it is too far fetched to say that she almost needed to temper it with some back handed comment about debt.
Come a day when she doesn't need to offset the compliment.
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So, hopefully that will score a few points.
You shooting hoops?
Be consistent in the good things you do, this isn't a game. You're not keeping score, unless you want to get depressed when you tally up after sevral weeks or months. Do them because it makes her happy, and eventually see the change.
We return genuine kindness with kindness. We suspect false kindness, we return apathy with apathy, and anger with anger, all over the long haul.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 05/12/0806:29 PM.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Do them because it makes her happy, and eventually see the change.
Actually I did it even more because it needed to be done, though making her happy was part of it. I'm not keeping score, if I was the game would have ended long ago!
Hope your day is going super-fab! I hope it is after the bathroom scales masterpiece! How great that W appreciated them and wants to keep hold of them. I bet she approved of you keeping the old ones too.
I also like the credit card/interest rate idea. Worth looking into when you finally get some time in between raising the S's, buying gifts, losing weight, yoga, C, work and weeding! Hurrah for the new Jeff. Jazzy Jeff, the Jeff-meister, Jeffman!
Jeff, yay for you about the weight loss. It is much better to lose it slowly.
I think Jack is right, she needed to temper it with that comment.
But I really feel that your wife feels that she isnt being heard and that is frustrating her. I also think she is in a depression. Just my opinion, of course. But I think you really should try to listen to what she is actually saying and what she isnt, ya know? I know how frustrated you are and how difficult this all is. But just try to act as if you are really hearing her - whether you agree with what she wants or not, whether the things that are important to her are not important to you, whether you think she will never be satisfied or not. What have you got to lose?
