When my spouse left, he swore there was no one else, that he was just tired of surviving the marriage. He left with no forwarding address which concerned my lawyer so she asked for it. When my spouse felt legal pressure he told me "what was really going on".. that he'd dated someone who'd been a friend three times around Thanksgiving, realized he was 'surviving' the marriage, didn't see a long term relationship with her and had accepted her offer to live with her because she knew he'd hate the apartment he was looking at.
A week later while on vacation with the kids, he sends me an email that he'd told the kids he was dating someone.
That was when I lost it. It hurt so much on so many levels. Everything became a lie in my mind. I had no clue about what the truth was. When the kids brought up their dad's discussion about his dating and asked me a question, I told.. I told that he'd been with her during the marriage, moved straight in with her..
THAT WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE
May I repeat...
That was a HUGE mistake...
I found that what hurt me, shattered them.
As unfair as it seems As painful as it is..
Please don't make the mistake I did and be the one to tell.
Kids figure it out, they really do.
Imagine yourself as a cast iron frying pan on a heated stove. Your children are the eggs safe in their shells, fragile yet protected. Your anger over the injustice, hurt and lies increases the heat beneath the frying pan. Your children are safe until your boundary of protecting them versus your personal pain crack.
What happens.. the eggs crack and land on the hot pan, sizzling.
If you do blow, at least find a way to poach them or hard boil. No matter how much you hurt, how unfair it is.. please protect them.
What helped me was finding a therapist who's showing me how to build boundaries, take steps to heal. Give yourself the gift of love, Ms. Mary.
