Mishka - you have a lot of time on your own, and a lot of sadness to deal with. If you haven't tried therapy, with someone competent who you trust, I strongly recommend it. Long term it is more effective than ADs, as it teaches you greater self knowledge and coping skills. Ideally with someone who understands MLC. You are still internatlising what happened as blame to yourself. We were none of us perfect in our marriages, but the route our spouses have taken is not our fault nor is it our responsibility.
Detachment, which we hear little about on the boards these days, is the art or skill of letting go. I believe we have to learn to let go before we can reconnect. Otherwise when we reconnect there is with all the old baggage. The WAS has, in some way, to hit bottom, and sort themself out, and we have to let go completely, and wait.
Above all, dealing with MLC is a waiting game, you wait with love for someone who may or may not find their way home. Someone who has lost their way.
During this dark time you will grow spiritually. Please try and leave your husband alone. He has to work through this alone, until he reaches out to you. If he feels guilty it doesn't help him, guilt is a terrible thing to lay on another person. You may feel temporarily better, but it isn't a grown up thing to do. Your last sentence
Quote:
H deserves none and will get no more.
is at odds with
Quote:
I don't even think H is in MLC now, just sick and tired of me. Grown in a different direction...I grew up and he never has.
If you have grown up, now is the time to display it, by magnaminity and grace, but I suspect, that like so many of us you are still growing up, and this crisis will be the making of your soul.
Do not beat yourself up - focus your energies on growth.
