I read your post and it made me cry. Your H is just SO mixed up and he keeps knocking you over with his pain.
FWIW I think you acted EXACTLY as you should have done - you should be very proud of yourself. In his heart of hearts it sounds like you H knows he has made a mistake, but if he is to be worthy of a R with you in the future he needs to earn it to value it.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength