After 3 long years, H is home - II

[GoingForward]

LOL! Sorry, Jeff! Guess I should title my post(s), "Read At Your Own Risk".

You are not innocent in all this.

Sara, you are not telling me anything that I don't already know. That is why I wrote this:

And seeing how I can be stubborn sometimes

This:

Wrong, I know, but it happened,

And this:

I REALLY CAN be stubborn, can't I?

I was/AM admitting my faults in this.

Have you not ever felt like you just didn't care what happened anymore between you and someone else, when that someone else acted as though he/she didn't care about you or your feelings? Have you not ever lost your cool? Maybe you haven't, or maybe you have, but perhaps you're better at controlling your reactions than I am.

It's interesting to me that I can control my reactions with family, friends, my children, even strangers.....but not with my H. His actions/reactions always seem to have a negative effect on me. It brings out a side of me that I do not like, and that is why I always feel like crap, during as well as after the fact, because I know it was wrong, and that there has got to be a better way to handle this mess.

Out of at least a dozen incidents, today was the one incident where I just couldn't swallow that pride, and the sad fact is that if he can't even try to be nice, more than just once a week....without his attitude (you're not here; you do not know what it's like; MIL and SIL know!)....I know I'm going to lose it again. I have a hard time caring about someone's feelings when they do not care about mine, and I have told him, in no uncertain terms, that I do not like the way he speaks to me and would appreciate it if he could mellow out. He said he would, but he still does not.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Of course I want to be nice, but how many times must I let him sh** on me with his crappy attitude? How much longer must I continue to bite my tongue? It has been this way for far too long because I always let him guilt me into feeling like I was the only one who was ever wrong. Sorry, but I'm not going to let it happen all the time like it has.

Call it childish if you like, but maybe a little taste of his own medicine will do him some good. Perhaps that's why when he left the house while I was in the shower this morning, he went to buy me the candy. Perhaps that's why he TM'ed me earlier this evening to see if I was "still mad?". Perhaps that's why he wrote that he was sorry in the Mother's Day card he gave me with the gift. And perhaps that's why he called a little while ago to say 'hi' and to tell me again that he was really sorry about today and for lying to me about having said he already had a gift for me this morning that was from the kids when he honestly did not.

But anyway.

You're right. It IS the both of us, and I KNOW that. I HONESTLY DO. However, he needs to know it, too, and he also needs to realize that providing for this family is NOT the only responsibility/priority he has here. There is FAR more to life and love than just money.