You have been through the whole spectrum of emotions. The truth is you had positive baby steps, you built well on it, and then you sabotaged yourself.
We ALL have done it. We ALL, or pretty much all have felt this bad. Start over. Just begin again. Wipe your own slate clean.
Pull way back. Get a grip, get centered, up your meds, possibly. Take on some athletics, but mostly take on something that lets you calm down and center......like yoga.
Now...your cell phone is not your friend. You need boundaries with that thing. So, when you are feeling this way, put it away. Where you can't reach it easily. Set a ring tone for your son to reach you, and turn the rest off.
I had to do this. I was really dangerous with the cell. Still can be by my own impulses. I have given it to my kids, to a friend, put it in the trunk of my car.
DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.
I don't want to hear that you can't. If I can, you can.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
