I sit here in tears. H just left. We had a horrible awful fight tonight. Words that hurt flew all through the air. I walked away, but was guilty of yelling too. We have so much anger. H will not budge on the house, says I am selfish, the whole bit. Once again our cycle, I try to stay on track and he brings up my 'list of why you are a horrible wife'. It was not pretty. I am very uncomfortable with the hate he has for me, and the hate that is growing in my heart.
I had a wonderful mothers day until H came to see the girls. He is dead inside, and can't even acknowledge the day. He had the girls make a cake and card, but can't tell ME Happy MD. He said "I have no emotion for you, why would I say anything?". Wow.
This is from my H who has been chasing me around the house for weeks for sex. And didn't get any. Lost, dead inside, fog, confused, angry, hurt..you name it, he feels it. But he is directing his frustration at me.
H refuses to fill out his part of a financial disclosure for my work. I could get fired. He doesn't care, thinks its hilarious that I might lose my job (remember, he hates my job, thinks I am too wrapped up in it). He said "Let 'em find the info themselves". I don't think he is hiding anything (just won't gather info on 2007 salary and retirement funds, which I don't have access to. Nothing like debt, at least I hope not). I have a call into my office, this is due this week. Not good.
Bright side: My girls are amazing. D3 handed me a wrapped nickel in church today and whispered "Happy Mothers Day mama", loud enough for a few people to hear. I was beaming. D6 made me a sausage and banana casserole. lol!! I choked a few bites down (those are 2 of my least favorite foods, by the way...not a meat eater most of the time, and threw up one too many bananas during pregnancies). I love my girls, they are my world. I hope I am theirs as well.
