Well H has been out of the house since the end of march and I must say that things have been nice and quiet
I absolutly agree that the year in the same house bought me the time to really see things clearly. I would not have been as strong as I am now.
I needed to do it for myself and the kids.
I have grown in this relationship and the kids needed to see that you just don't give up when the going gets rough.
Both of the kids are with me(2B,s 19,22.)
They chose to stay with me and I'm glad they did, although H is thinking that I need them more than him, which fits right into his "woa is me... marter roll" whatever .....
When I talk to H, I'm very upbeat and positive. It really isn't a far stretch from the truth.
I have far more good days than bad and the bad days are less bad and shorter on my emotions.
I realize now that I have to let go and let the powers that be handle things and this is what I have done.
It is funny how people that I need to learn from enter into my life when I need the knowledge. A gift indeed.
As fro the lawyers, well my financials were given to H and he was not impresed and he wanted to make deals.
I will not agree to anything that I know not to be in my best interest, afterall this is my future. Besides this is what I'm paying a lawyer for.
The house is not mine yet and I don't know if I will be able to afford it when all is done but I have to make some changes for me.
H is paying the bills for the house and although sometimes asks what I need the extra money for he does give me a little extra.( above my paycheck) for groceries and stuff for the kids.
I'm starting to make the place my own now and it is liberating The garage is a little bit girlie but not too much
I'm getting rid of the "junk" in my house as now it means nothing.
What matters now is not "stuff" but people and now i'm decluttering my life, in many ways.
I've been getting in touch with people that have been left behind in the turmoil of our lives and that also feels good.
Overall things are good.
I still love him but when I see him sometimes he looks 50 trying to look 30ish and i feel so bad for him.
I hope one day when and if he comes out of the funk, he sees someone familiar and knows that I'm there for him if not for a relationship(I may be way past him by then) then to talk.
He looks lost. But I'm sure he thinks he's O.K.
MLC sucks but I have grown wiser...
E
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
The garage is a little bit girlie but not too much 
