Of course, I know you are right...I'm so frustrated with myself right now...I'm letting myself feed my mood off what I know (unbeknownst to H from my d$mn snooping) instead of sorking from what's being handed to me. It's happened twice now in 2 weeks; and at the rate i'm going, it's all going to be a done deal soon!
I'm having a pleasant Mother's Day...everyone is out doing things right now, which is also nice. Going to have steak on the grill tonight with some nice red wine H got for me...yummy!!
But here's what I really need some advice on:
THe other night when H told me yet again how much he doesn't want to be married to me, he talked about things that he knows matter to me in our marriage/R (which of course, in his mind, makes it the absolute truth). He proceeded to say that,as with him, the kids were first(which right now, given the nature of our non-R, is true, and has been for too long [a problem i contributed to for sure].
But then he said the house, which to me is really only true to the extent that I love this place as "our" house, that we've all lived in for so long, and I vlidated him with that interpretation...but he gives it a reall negative connotation. And then he proceeded to say that other things that mattered to me were H's income and then what I would get from H when he (and here I have a feeling he started to say DIVORCE, but then wound up saying DIED)... (and we are not talking about a great big amount of either!) I don't know where in the h#ll these came from! I'm guessing this is another result in his mind from my statement last year that I wasn't going to move from here until the house sold...and his belief of how selfish this is.
It didn't even really sink in what he was saying until yesterday, and then I decided to just sit on things through today at a minimum. ANd I really don't understand at all where he's coming from on this...and i know that one option is to just let it go.
BUt i'm really tempted to respond/clarify these statements; ask him to tell me more about why he believes this...and how that's just wrong. It really bothers me that this has somehow become some big deal in his brain...
I'll be back this evening with some ideas of how to broach this...quickly, simply and in a real 180 for me...very strong and deliberately. BUt i'm still not sure at all of how or whether to proceed with this.
