When he came over today I wasn't upset (think I got it out of my system yesterday!!) and was generally laid back and upbeat. We weeded our front garden together, and tidied up the rest of our house. I was wearing a (tight!) little vest top and jeans and was feeling good about myself because I've lost a stone in weight since he left. He said something like 'You really have lost a lot of weight!' and then said that my top was nice and I looked good.
I popped into town to do some shopping and got whistled at by a bunch of lads, so when I got home I laughed about it to H, and he said something like 'Its because you look hot!'
So that helped my confidence today. We got on really well, just chatting about random stuff. He said he was going over to a friends house this evening to play some sort of game (strange dweeby dungeons and dragons type thing-something he never used to be into before) and I joked 'And you're the one that wants to divorce me?!' which he found very funny and laughed at.
We then went over to the hospice and sat with his relative for about an hour. I caught him looking at me a couple of times, so I just smiled in a friendly way then looked away. When he dropped me off home, as I got out of his van I could feel his eyes on me and I looked round and he was definitely checking me out!! He then said something like 'Well I'll see you-' then said he would be in touch.
So all in all a much better day than yesterday. And I think it has been better because I DETACHED!! After being a total mess yesterday, I got it out of my system and could act 'As If' around him. It definitely made him relax more, and made the whole visit much better.
I have started to imagine a life without H, and although its not what I would have chosen myself, I realise I can live without him.
I hope I can feel this positive every day!
Lea xxx
Me-26 H-27 T-10 years M-20 months First bomb-Feb 07 Second bomb-March 08
