Thanks Glamgirl! I appreciate the well wishes and I'm planning on coming up with something to do to keep me busy. I need to clean out the garage but I have no idea where to put the darned trash I pull out of it.
I HATE MANUAL LABOR!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I pray to find the courage to step out in faith that God will put me in the right place. I'm obviously not comfortable with any decisions I make for myself since I made such a horrific mess of my life when I thought I could do it on my own.
Sorry I have been away, for the most part, from the board and reading your thread. What you are going through is important to me and to many others here. I have been caught up in work a lot lately and have not kept up with everything.
Your challenge with finding the right church group to belong to is understandable. It can be challenging.
You sound like you have the same problem I do. I am afraid to get involved with a group because I may not either like it or it won't suit me, so I have a tendency to back away from making a decision because I dont want to let anyone down.
I have prayed that God will bolden my heart to not worry about such things. I recently offered at my church to call people who are going through challenges. Will I be good at this? I have no idea. I felt compelled when I read about it in our bulletin and decided to sign up. Trust me when I say that is not what I would normally do.
I trust that God will have me do what He wants me to do. If it is not working out, He will either give me a signal to move to something else or He will tell me that He wants me to work through my concerns. It is up to Him.
It sounds as though God wants you to get involved in a church group. I would not concern myself whether it will end up being the wrong group until that happens. If it does, then seek out a new group or maybe you will be the one to start the new group at that time. Who knows? God?
About your H sleeping a lot and switching to working nights, I would say that he is very depressed and that working nights is going to only make his depression worse. Working nights is hard on anyone but those that are depressed get worse.
My W takes medicine now for depression and for blood pressure. The kids do not know about the depression medicine. Unfortunately she works nights but it is better than the place she worked before. My W spends a lot of time sleeping now and at home (by herself?).
I believe many of the MLCers have a root cause of some sort of clinical depression. I have said this before that MLC is aa sympton or outward signs of depression. That is why I don't really classify MLC as a mental illness, IMO. However, depression, is listed as a mental illness. Some sort of treatment is necessary, whether it be medicine and counseling. Personally, I have seen people deal with most forms of depression with gaining a closer R with God. Some people require medicine as well if it is a chemical (biological) depression although I do believe God can heal that as well.
The proper ADD medicine may help your husband become more "balanced" again. For my son, it made him more depressed and angry.
Thinking of you Mishka!
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
Hi there MMF! I was thinking about you just this morning wondering if you were ok. I hoped your time away from the board was only because of work and nothing more serious. I'm glad to have you back as I'm sure everyone else here is.
I hear what you are saying about the group. I was just talking to my cousin today as a matter of fact. Another woman from our church said that when she and her H went to their small group the first time, they thought there was no way they could ever fit into "this mish mash of people". She said that after the first few weeks with them they decided that they could never see themselves with any other group! I'm going to hope for the same and talk to our small group coordinator after worship tomorrow.
Our church did a community outreach program today and I really feel we were able to bring blessings to a lot of people who may never have come into contact with a church family before. We subsidized gas at two stations in town which reduced the gas cost by 25cents per gallon for two hours. During that time we washed windows of people's cars as they pulled up for gas and handed out "riot" cards to them with our church information and website on them. The "riot" cards are because our church mission over the next 3 years is to "spread a riot of love and good deeds throughout our community in order to spread the word of God and bring believers into the family of Christ". The cars were lined up down the highway, the sheriff's department had to bring in an extra officer to direct traffic. The church had already hired an officer to work the detail for the two hours we were there but he needed more help. It was a really wonderful time for all and the weather couldn't have been better.
H took S13 to the Renaissance Fair today. Over the last 7 years I have asked every year to go to the fair and H never wanted to go. Now, all of a sudden, he wants to go. What the heck? I'm thinking he just didn't want to go with me. I'm becoming more and more certain that H never loved me at all and I was nothing but an annoyance to him. I'm not even sure that human love is real at all. More a matter of friendship mixed with lust that we have decided is love. The lust dies, the friendship gets dull and people decide they don't "love" anymore. I know, sounds cynical, but I'm just thinking "outloud" here.
I'm not sure how it is that the pain seems to be getting worse over the last couple of weeks instead of better. What is with that? Is it because I'm coming to the realization that I'll never have a companion again? That I'm in this for the rest of my life alone? Realization that I won't have a helpmate to shoulder some of the responsibilities ever again? It's a horrible feeling and I really don't want it anymore but I can't get out from under it either. No amount of prayer is helping. I would go out for a walk to try to clear my head if it weren't so late. It was storming earlier when I had the chance to go walk so I cleaned some of my garage. I only got through one small corner and filled one 30 gallon trash bag already. NASTY!
Well, rambling on and on is not clearing my head either. I'll drift away for a while but I'm sure I'll be back later since I don't ever sleep anyway.
Well, as you can see, this is where I spend my Saturday nights. Sitting here with my computer on my lap, my mother sitting on the other side of the living room watching the game show network (somebody shoot me please!) my son playing a computer game even though I offered to take him to a movie tonight (he's too tired from the fair today), and not one friend to talk to except you lovely people.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I hope someone reads this and responds. I need some urgent advice.
I was coming out of church this morning and received a text from H saying HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY CHICA!!!! I spent over an hour last night sitting in the middle of my kitchen floor unable to move sobbing at the destruction of all of my hopes and dreams and my failure. I went to church this morning hoping for some inspiration and growth to get out of the funk I've been in and caught a glimpse of it when I received the text. I burst into tears outside of church and haven't been able to pull myself together again.
I'm doing battle with myself over whether I should respond or not. It's not so much about him wishing me a happy mother's day, it's more about him using a pet name when he did it. He keeps doing little things like this that set me back further every time. I don't think he has a clue how much having any contact from him hurts me. I want to respond to his text but I want to do it in a way that he knows how much he is hurting me by contacting me. I don't know why I feel like that but I think I'm just sick and tired of putting on the happy face in front of him and letting him think I'm just fine with the fact that he has destroyed our lives.
What do you all think? I really need to hear from you guys ASAP. I'm really freaking out about all of this right now.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
So sorry you're hurting and that the pet name brought all the hurt back. I agree with jeff. Just a simple 'thanks' and nothing else. Having said that, I think him using the pet name is a little baby step- a good sign. It's a shame it hurt you so much.
(((((Mishka))))) Take a deep breath. Try to take the focus away from what H has done/is doing and focus on yourself. I know it's hard right now, but I know you can do it.
mishka422- ok first know that Satan is not happy about you turning to God and he is going to wreck havoc on your emotions. I would encourage you to surrendor your H to God right now and pray. Also although its hard when your emtions are like this read the Bible...Proverbs and Psamls and pray...the prayers of a righteous women avail much....Will you trust God with your life? Maybe that is your trial right now...yes I know the pain you speak of...let me also remind you no contact or well wishes is painfull too...i am there right now...he didnt take my son to get a card ....nothing....there is no pain free or little pain way through this....IT IS PAINFULL...but you have made the right choices by turining to God,,,there really is two choices,,,turn from him or towards him..the enemy is lieing to you making you believe you have failed and arent worth much..it is a lie and you are precious to God!
I am praying for you...dont respond negative to him...they are so clueless and blinded..if u cant muster anything just say thank you....he will never be able to not think of you on Mothers Day and that is that...You are the Mother of his precious son!
anyway.....think about and pray about wanting to be the womean that God designed you to be....let your actions be guided and directred by the Lord..not your emotions.
Have a Blessed Day and know you are loved....I do belive your H lovs you under all this mess he has made!
Mishka - I agree with those who have said a simple 'Thanks'.
I do understand and sympathise your wanting to let him know how much damage he has caused by contacting you. But, and there is always a BUT isn't there? these MLCers are distancing themselves from their emotions as much as they can. At some level most of them feel guilt, but they cannot acknowledge this until they are ready to deal with it.
It is a nice sign that there is still a human being buried in there, respond to that. The good man you were married to is currently [mostly] AWOL, and it is unhelpful to both of you to ry and 'make' him confront the damage. Sadly for us, this is their journey, and as you know, they do it in their own time.
